Well, i don't know what to say, Jake. I realised that you're always praising me, and i'm always praising you. Kinda interesting eh? Haha! I've talked to her about it. Not exactly talked about it but yea, she has revealed that she likes me and she's shown that she does. Well, i'm just glad that now we're clear about how we feel about each other. Although it seems like she's having slight difficulty forgetting her ex-stead. She's told me that she's afraid that she might be taking me as a substitute for him and hurt my feelings in the process. I don't know if i'd mind, really. But i did tell her that i don't mind. I really wonder if i'd been 100% truthful to myself and to her. I did tell her i would be hurt to know that, but i told her it was worth it, i guess. I'm not too sure about it. Actually, i really couldn't believe it when she sort of revealed her own thoughts to me. I was pretty such she would never consider being with me. Well, she hasn't forgotten her ex. And i'm like what? Half a head shorter than her? lolx I think it's kinda funny. Though i don't really mind. I didn't expect her not to mind. I wrote another song last night. No melody yet. I think i can sooner or later cut an album for myself and then give it to my friends. Haha! I think i've got to gather a band to help me out with this. Jake! Wanna be my producer? We can produce our own album and label and perhaps we can make it BIG! Ain't that cool? Dad just called. Gonna change job again. Oh wat the hell. He's gonna be working elsewhere in Jurong Point. Hopefully the boss won't kick him in a few days. Hope the job's gonna be stable. Well, i'm hungry now. Bye pal~

ok. read han's blog a while ago, then had "supper cum breakfast" (well... at this hour.. dunno what it's called, maybe "low tea"), so now i am back writing. actually... kinda envious. cos han's got lotsa FEMALE friends. and i don't. hmpf. i prefer female over males not because i am a sexist or flirt, it's just that females most likely won't talk vulgar. i'm oki with dirty minds and dirty talks, but no vulgarities please - not with the intention to scold or harm others. anyway, ya... i do have very good males friends, like HAN (gei qian)... and my english name JAKE, from another good friend kah hock =). friends being friends... sometimes being too close with the opposite sex can make things go *bleah*... i've always avoided it all time... except for once, i fell into it. it turned bitter later. sad. now, well, she's as good as non-existence except in my heart. i guess is the charm factor. han always praise me for things i think that everyone can do it (humble!.. lol... kidding), but somethings he has i just can never have. his voice is one. his charm's another. his voice. sometimes i do think i can sing well. but most of the time, i rather not sing, that's why i play the piano.. oki lah.. synthesizer. peiru says it's a toy. =( and i play the guitar too... but... i'm not good at it either. but being self taught and my anyhow-play-style gives my the satisfaction. but the MASTER of anyhow-play-style so far is still DARYL. admire his piano skills. his charm. yea... i guess i am just straight. you either like me, feel nuetral, or you dun like me. you most probably wont hesitate back and forth. but if you meet someone with charm.... like han... you may not think highly of him at first sight, but you will gradually be mesmerized. charmed. i think he charms others like this.... and i dun have this special ability =( *envy*. but then like everything... when used correctly, it prosper you; when used wrongly, you are just charmed (hokkien). however, it doesn't matter lah... OH YAH! side track abit... "everyone is unique" is an oxymoron. if everyone is unique, then everyone is the same, they are all unique. therefore, we need to twist it abit into... "everyone is unique in their own ways". still two persons can have the same ways, but it's their own ways, so it's unique. back to where we left... however, it doesn't matter lah... so called charm is still an illusion, most important is to know i am who i am and others know who i am too. then, there will be no misleaded feelings about one another. time to work. byee. nitenite

i'm back again.. feel like writing something.... really feeling sleepy, really sleepy for the past few days. i dun remember sleeping at all! and... it's sleepy, not tired. just finshed the rubber stamp design i had to make for realize creations. i really dunno what to put in the stamp, brain cannot think properly (sleepy). fixed han's computers yesterday, oki, actually not fixed, more like upgrading. was suppose to fix the dell computer but nothing seems wrong and so i couldn't do anything. but was glad that they worked. roland asked "why of all times the day before your exams" well, i also knew you had exam. i was thinking if i could fix your computer then you can use the online slides. better for you. but it turned out that your computer was oki. so, i do an upgrade instead. hope you can do well, if not i'll feel bad. but not too bad lah. cos, you lack discipline too! hehe. (counter-blame). hmm... once again. someone call to tell me sad stories, to FA XIE, to release the anger and frustrations. hmmm.. actually is quite difficult for me to say anything at all. (if you are reading this... i'm saying this escpecially to you.) sometimes i'm just not at the right position to say anything. my CJC tutor onced asked the class "do you think it is right for the terrorist to crash WTC" (something like that or "what do you think of this act"). everyone had alot to say, commenting how bad were they and blah blah blah.... but i said, "i feel i am not in the position to say anything". i am neither americans nor the "terrorists". i personally feel that "right may not be good, bad may not be wrong". in reality, many times we come across situation where by rigidly doing the right thing aggravates the situation. i dun want to prob further cos... i sleepy. but you can zi ji xiang (use your brain), and in short, letting the bad thing happen is sometimes the better choice. just because you feel sad about something doesn't it is actually a wrong thing done to you. sometimes is just that you cannot accept it. and if it is indeed a wrong thing done to you, you just have to forgive and tolerate that. i feel that when someone wrong you, or did something indeed wrong to you, at the highest attainment, it is to feel sad for the person who cannot discern right from wrong, sympathise with him, be empathetic, help him change and realize his mistake; rather than be defensive and blame him for the things he had done to make you cry. i am such a person. so there is no excuse that you cant be like this. (i dun mean you have to be like me, but if you can think of anything higher, i would like to be that). i think it would be easier for religious people to accomplish this... although i am not. watched a show (factual, regarding love of god, forgiveness) about this guy who is utterly disfigured and disabled. when he was a baby, he met up with a car accident. another driver, filled with hatred, attempted to take revenge on his enemy by crashing his car into his enemy's and killing him. unfortunately, he crashed into the wrong car and this little baby was the victim. the collision set the vehicals into raging fire, explosion was felt hundreds of metres away. the baby is trapped right in the middle. it was rushed to the hosiptal, treated with skin transplant and blood transfusion. he lived. many years later, the driver was arrested to court. this baby, now a man, summoned to court to testify against him, forgave him instead, releasing him from the harsh punishment. there at the court, he prayed for the lord to forgive him too... one of my friend was totally amazed by the forgiveness the guy showed. she challenged me that no one without the love of god will be able to take such a stand. at that time i din want to argue with her, because, again, it's about other's religion. but i just want to say that i can. yes, GOD will play apart, HE will make it easier for you to forgive. not trying to haolian (show off), my point here is that, even a non-GOD person can do it, anyone can do it, is just whether you want or not. if you find it difficult, look unto GOD, he'll help you to do it. i am not a christian, but so many people around me are. and the sad thing is, these christians have more troubles then me. this is the thing that makes me upset the most. eventhough they make up the minority, still, i feel it shouldn't be that way. humans need not be troubled unnecessarily. worse is that these troubles revolve around their faith. well... up to this part... i think i better stop. i can go on and complete a thousand word argument to explain myself, but i rather not. i rather not disturb your faith. sometimes i feel chi gek (frustrated) becuase of this. but it alright, cos, christianity makes people better, if you are not already one. although i am not a christians, i always encourage christians to be christians, to be more christian. WOAH!... sensitive issue. good night. gtg sleep.

Hmm... guess you didn't talk to her. How does she look? i mean, everything fine with her? Perhaps you could tell something from the overall "look" of her. Well, maybe it's just God's way of telling you she's been doing fine. or something. Whatever it is, don't think too much about it yea? I was looking through the MINDEF website, at the contract thingy again. I don't know why but i'm afraid of signing up. I was just kinda worried, like what if i failed or something? or what if i couldn't get used to the life in army? or i just felt like it's not what i wanted? Sheesh. it's like no turning back. On the other hand, what if i weren't selected? I don't know why i'm worrying so much actually. I mean, there's nothing to be afraid of yet i'm just, well, fearful. *sigh* I guess i'm just too prone to think about redundant stuff. I guess i just need someone to give me a push, to reassure me that everything's gonna be all right. I think you would rem "TeSs". You should, having to see it almost everyday during sec 4. It was on my pencil case, if you'd remember. Well, i was kinda surprise coz just few days ago she, well er, she confessed about something. Haha~ I wasn't a shock. But it wasn't something i'd expected. u know i've been in contact with her right? Well, i wonder....

saw candice yesterday. thinking of her till today.

Stayed home today. Had 2 hr lecture but decided to skip due to the rain. and other factors. Well, nothing much has been happening lately. It's a lot of work in school and exams are coming. Apart from that, life's been pretty stale. Hmm... no idea what i wanna type actually. But i guess i just wanna "talk" to someone. And i've no idea who to talk to so i'll just type it all here. But i have nothing much to say.... weird...

WARNING: parental guidance required. twisted logic involved. learning is life long but youth is short. so dun study now, just play all you want. - kokboon we are merely pushed by societal pressures to study. we could remain stagnant, but most want to advance. afterall, we can't finish learning, and we can't just play anything anytime. PS: can be found in "kokboon's book of twisted logic"

nothing... popping by to sell: IBM 128mb SD-RAM PC-133 one-sided @ SGD70.00. if interested, please contact me @ kokboon@shinningstudios.com which subject as "WTB RAM". thanks! =) PS: In Singapore only. sorry.

woah... seems like han's got a happy time giving free advertising. those sites looks good. great info for me too. hmm.. next time teach me more.. you should. i hope. got the "another mi" and "me!" mails (only pple involved will know). never had the intention to reply to such forwards, but this time, directly against me.... what baboon... haiyo. but then again, not going to reply anyway. read it a thousand times, answered in my mind. but i don't have any friends to email to either... so forget it... come to think of it... i use email entirely for work only and information only. i entertain spam, tolerate advertisements, delete forwards, and never reply to chain mails (created one though, out of extreme boredom). i never tio email virus or bugs. my windows and office too updated to be hacked already. a great supporter of microsoft windows update site. kekez. hmm... still thinking if i should apply to be pilot in AIR FORCE! once in a life time. danger also go try. might not even get selected. criteria so stringent. frankly, i scared of heights, wondering how i am going to survive that. come... someone play swing with me, test me limits. (chey.. swing only..) and.. han! how did you know i tot you block me? the fact is i accidentally blocked you.. HAHAHA... then i couldn't send you messages. how dumb. then i tot i am blocked. at least accidentally by you. haiz.. make myself a luffing stock. A levels coming. head on. crushing. dun think i can get three As. it's possible if i have more time and stop being lazy and stop typing blog. (oops) 15 JAN 2004... turning point in life. enlistment. feeling homesick now. alot of things unsettled, undone. things that doesn't have a conclusion to it. but i am someone who is "you tou you wei", dun want to leave things undone before going ARMY. i will not RIP if i die in NS, possible. more possible if i am a pilot. not being pessimistic in this whole chunk of text, just preparing for the worst. i am like that. preapring for the worse and striving for the best. hmm.... forgot why i suddenly start rambling all these.... random thoughts. well. guess i'll stop here. all the best peeps.

http://arch.pconline.com.cn/pcedu/carton/mtv/10307/flash/030711zhu.swf

Tired. Tired. So damn tired. It's getting pretty tough really, having to work and to study at the same time. Splitting headache. It's killing me. All the projects, tutorials, deadlines to meet, work to do, places to go. I'm almost going crazy. And things seem to be moving so fast! I just finished one project presentation today. And i'm on to the next. The next is due in 12 days! And i have ANOTHER presentation to make TOMORROW! *faints* What's worse? Well, my internet connection has been temporarily discontinued. Didn't pay. Couldn't pay. That's why i'm typing this in school. Pretty lame i think. I wish i could do this at home. Well, doesn't really matter eh? Dad's found a job, good thing. But it seems like it's not really a big deal, in light of what i'm facing now. Really bad of me to think this way, pretty selfish, but that's just how i feel now. Tired, and no where to run to, no where to hide. Tired. Anyway, Boon, just to let you know, i never did, and never will, block you from my msn so don't think otherwise. And i'm sorry i haven't contact you for such a long time. Thought you might need the time to study for your upcoming exams. Didn't wanna be a distraction to you. Well, there's gonna be a special event in Charis this sunday so i guess i'll just see you then. Probably we can meet up with Ting and we can make our way down together. I think it's time to leave the school. Getting late and i'm getting tired. Don't wanna stay here too long anyway. Everyone's gone home. Those left are people i have no idea who they are. i think i'd rather go home and go blading in the park. Perhaps i'll feel better after that.... Sheesh... there's homework... nvm... Love Always, Han -it's 3 AM... i must be lonely...-

http://www.uiowa.edu/hr/administration/UnitReps/uhrrole.html http://www.hanoverparkillinois.org/Services/HumanResources/HumanResourcesOverview.htm http://www.hrstore.com/cost_savings.html http://www.hr-guide.com/ Don't ask what's that. I need to take some notes.

actually i typed a 1000 word essay.... but pressed the wrong button when i was abt to post... haiz... guess it's fate....

Whahahaha! Super-neglected blog man! Anyway, how's life been? Mine's been pretty good. I'm having fun, i think... lolx. And i can't find a good place to start a journal! Damn... but never mind. I doubt i'll have time to update it anyway! Ciaoz~

the blog at the new site is now prepared to be launched anytime. so i wont come and bother this place again till i finsih the entire new site! hmm... progressing well. hmm... it's 12.51am now... time to sleep again... as usual... see ya...

phew... it's still here. what can i say... this blogspot has a very good system. woa... gei qian!

hi!! i am back again... to fill this blog. actually i am feeling bored here cos it is 12.40am and i am suppose to sleep so that i can go to school tomorrow feeling afresh, but i don't want to wast my waking time... so i am half way on the fence. need to do something so i had to come here... the reason for coming back is to start TRYING to host this blog in the radio site. i still dunno how it works, but i need to try... yah... i hope i dun mess this entire blog up... i hope if i fail, at least this blog will still be here. if anything happens, han, please forgive me... i dun even know if this blog will live to let you view it. =( here i go...

Integration? That's a cool idea! If you didn't know, we can actually host blogger on our own website. blogspot's just making life easier for us by providing us with webspace. I can understand. Reminds me of what Nair used to do, make us do planning before writing the composition. And in the end, a high percentage couldn't finish up! I'm one of them. But well, it's better to think of it, plan it properly, before actually getting down to the "doing" part... so take your time. =)

am trying to do the radio site.. btw the way, it's at http://radio.shinningstudios.com, be sure to come around and tune in with us okay? yah.. where was i? oh... yah... doing the radio site, then there is a section suppose to be a journal, i am thinking of integrating this blog into that site, how's that? but i am still looking to see how i can do that. hmm... anyway, han, why don't you work at a better time range? is there really no one else to help? then that's quite pathetic... everyone is losing jobs now and there is no one working? HUH! no logic.... whatever.. don't know what i am saying. anyway, i shall continue doing the site. oh, and please give me sometime before you really see some progress becuase when i say "do" a site, it includes the thinking. and most of the time, the thinking part is 80% and the doing part 10% and the last 10% goes to testing and solving bugs... yup. wish me inspiration... thanks. =)

Hmm... Didn't go to work to. I'm working at 4pm actually. So, i'm still early. But i kinda woke up late. Takes me 1.5 hrs to actually get prepared and travel. Anyway, i called up the store but no one picked up. So i messaged my manager and told him i was having fever. But, i'm not. I'm just extremely tired. Sort of like my whole body is giving way. Too much work i guess. Worked till 1:30 am last night. Well, of course it isn't just one event to lead to such tiredness. I suppose i shouldn't have lied. But who would take "tiredness" as a reason not to come to work? Now, i'm just waiting for a call or a message from my manager as an acknowledgement. I hope nothing goes wrong.

Good News!!! I've started on my journal again!! http://kissoff.easyjournal.com Now, i hope i'll maintain this for a year or more. That'll be so fun!! But then again, i'll probably be considering keeping a journal in hard copy instead of online... Yet, i hate my handwriting. Yucks!

Well, what can i say? Sometimes, love just ain't enough. But hey, it's not the end of the world. Someday, she might just come back to you. You'll never know. Anyway, I thought we kinda neglected this site again. I was reading my journal when i suddenly remembered this site. I'm probably gonna continue on my journal. I miss writing so much! lolx. Aren't i weird?

haiz... i think i can join the ranks of the heartbrokened... i feel very sad. as much as i try to salvage, i cannot get her back. why?!!! of everyone. haiz.... i hope you will come home.

Little faith will bring your souls to heaven, but great faith will bring heaven to your souls. -C.H. Spurgeon- (No idea who he is, just found a passage on the net and saw this at the end. Lovely.) -

Verse1: I don't wanna be fake, to put on a mask when i meet u face to face. This isn't the way I just wanna be free from the sins that's holding me. Verse2: I don't wanna be dim, to be a dying light, As i'm walking down the streets. This isn't the way, I don't wanna fall, And let the darkness cover me. PreChorus: I don't wanna lie, Desiring the world even as i look into Your eyes. Show me the way, Set me free Chorus: Set me free from these chains, Set me free from my pain. Set me free, Set me free Lord Hold my hand firmly in Yours, Use me for Your wondrous cause, By your grace and mercy, Jesus, Set me free ??Bridge: You see my heart, you know my mind You've bought me back with your life. Lord, i pray, just hold me tight, Lest i stray away from your side. (Just the words... no tune yet...)

Why do i miss you that much? My tears flow like a flood, unstoppable, Unbearable, Pain that peirces my heart. Do you hear me cry out? When the silence in your heart resound? Undeniable, Unforgettable What this love is all about. Maybe i'm not good enough, But sometimes, that's just not true. Perhaps we're just on the path, Where God's testing me and you. Are we standing firm despite challenges? Do we choose to climb above The raging sea and whirling water To keep this love, with Christ as our centre. Or do we choose to doubt ourselves And let our history bring us down? And never give love a chance to grow, But stay in our tears of sorrow to drown? I know it's tough and hard to fight, A battle that rages right in our minds. But remember, dear, that i'm with you, Together, with Christ, we'll see it through. Through joy and love, we'll grow together, Though there's hurt and pain, it's not forever. For Emmanuel, we know, God is with us, Was yesterday, is today Will still be tomorrow. (I don't know if i'm making sense. I'm just writing what i wanna write i guess....)

well dun be such a pessimist... tot you were a christian? look to him for strength.. =) but i think the most important thing you should realize is that you do not live for other people therefore you need not keep up with them... everyone's path is different because we choose to be different, even under the worst circumstances, our will decides.... so dun give up! jia you! you still have people like me concern abt you =) cheer up!

Oh well, it's chinese new year eve tmr. Time really flies. It's almost a year since i last went to visit Fairfield. Sadly, i've got to work from the eve to the 3rd day of CNY, so i can't really enjoy the holidays. However, life goes on, as it always does. Life's empty, as it always has been, but this time, it seems emptier than usual. Weird how empty can be emptier. That's not the point. I guess i've been much more lonelier than before. Weird how lonely can be lonelier. Never mind. Especially after the chicken pox that i had, things has really changed. Even my attitude towards life and my character and my life basically, it's all changed. Too bad, it didn't change for the better. I look forward to getting into poly this time. I need some directions and i think getting into poly is really gonna help. For this one year, i've really been really lost. Didn't really know what i was doing. Sometimes, i think i'm not mature enough to be out in this world. I think i'm still like a little boy. I guess i still am. Or maybe, i just don't wanna grow up. Maybe i know the harsh and cruel reality and i refuse to accept it, so i chose to remain a kid. Just maybe. Whatever it is, it's a new year coming up. I guess we just have to start afresh, be it as a kid still or as a grown up, for no matter what happens, one thing remains. Life goes on.

Hey! Guess what? I wrote a new song recently. And i got it recorded down into mp3 format. Think i can send it to you and then u post it on the 4B website? Erm... ya, that's basically it... take care~ And Happy Chinese New Year too!~

twinkle tots... yeah.. and so i thought of this site suddenly. neglected it for quite sometime, hope you didn't mind. btw, i knew i had to click the "post and publish", but i remebered the last time i wantted to do that was when there was some problems with the server... anyway... happy chinese new year... =) cheers!