see, i have this particular blogtoday.txt file that sits in my computer and whenever i want to update my blog i would open and edit it. the primary reason for this is so that i can write halfway and save. or in case i click wrongly, which i sometimes do, then lose everything i type. now, this time i open the file, i see thie following: "u must remember... i really love you alot alot... just that i may not be able show you how much it is now, or you cannot feel it as much as i do... i'm bounded by so many things. really thank u for being so loving, understanding, patient and thoughtful..." "you're so far... yet so near" ya, that's it.. i think is the last time's unfinished blog entry.. so i shall attempt to recall what i trying to say...hmm.. no clue. but should get what i mean... forget abt that for now... let's come back to the present and me-be-tired *tongue*!! thurs - wake: 0515 / sleep: 0300 + major servicing fri - wake: 0445 / sleep: 0300 + outfield driving sat - wake: 0515 very sleepy now.. muscle ache all over!! although was outfield yesterday, it was the most fun outfield i ever had, cos i went driving FINALLY in a tank. the commander was so scared i drive very fast because i first time drive. still, he say i was good! haha... the escaped theme park is the FIRST TIME i drive actually... haha.. although is nothing compared to the tank. *bleah* hope can drive most next time. oh.. aiyah, then i also got make mistake. got once i reverse during parking i had to accelerate so much to make the tank move because engine was weak. After stalling for a few seconds, the tank suddenly jerked and sped backwards almost hit the rover behind. then i was !@$# by the captain... *oops* but i bet it's not my fault, so i showed him the very confident face! haha.. he nothing to say. hmm, now i'm very confident of driving a BMW or MERC le! my brithday coming ar... so you know what to do hor? keke read her blog le... so many emotions in one week. gosh.. life's so exciting. ???? keep appearing in my mind. later must remember to ask her le. this morning so forgetful... had to return to camp from cck to get my specs back! haiz... so sad. i see the gate i want to cry... and haha... my brother go read the LEARN VB6!! i so happy for him.. he FINALLY showed interest in programming and took the effor to at least read every single word until end of lesson 2. i not asking im to be like me, but i just hope he can pick up new skills along his life. a child's learning potential is the greatest, i seriously hope that he dun lose the potential by not learning. playing is just as fine, if you know there is something to learn in everything. it's not learning that will cost you your future. besides, i really want to impart ALL my skills to brother, someone i can trust TOTALLY. and of cos to dear dear.. because she has the potential. can't think of anything now as yet... only thinking when to leave house. hmm.. will be back. PS: ARGH... have to book in tomolo le.. so sian... 2100!!! haiz.

I LOVE SEE KOKBOON!!! YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE MY ONLY SUNSHINE YOU MAKE ME HAPPY WHEN SKIES ARE GREY YOU'LL NEVER KNOW DEAR HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY :) LESLIE

I LOVE LESLIE! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oki. i'm done =) it's indeed stormy out there... especially during this rainy season so many things sad things happening. but at the same time, i'm holding on. very sad sia... need to go india for training, which means have to leave friends, family and leslie behind le =( down there so hot, later come back as black as the natives there! *haha* erm... so, need to meet peiru, hantiong, yingni, yu ting, geraldine within this year, hope really can make it ya... going into standby soon le, then very scared will get activated during my weekends! hope they don't get burnt! hmm, going to book in later tonight le, then i'll start my driver course on tues - drive tank. every since i with leslie, i wanted a car very badly because travelling is really tiring, expensive and time consuming! so, hope driving a tank will gimme some head start. after going through so much, i really must feel fortunate that i have her now. so little time together yet so strong our relation. even mama also say she like her! *hehe*. i'm so glad she's willing to wait for me even though i couldn't give her the sense of security she needed most. i feel so bad and guilty that i cannot give her the best of myself. so sad so bad. but i'll do my very best because my feelings and commitment is true. so...eventhough that day spent $100+ eat the very RoManTiC THAI CUSINE w CANDLE LIGHT... (was... heart breaking liao... *tear*) ehem... i also very xin gan qing yuan. i when i order i din even look at the price, all i was thinking was "hmmm... dear dear like to eat what?" then when the waiter come, i just point point point... cos... I CANT READ THAI~!! haha... yah. so happy that day. see her keep smiling until cheeks so red and sour (suan)... hmm.. then... she look so beautiful!!!! no need make up one leh.. hmm so proud to have a pretty gal! "you yuan qian li lai xiang hui" i told mama just now while chit chatting. then she say "hmpf! anyhow introduce girls to my son! next time dun let hantiong come!" haha... she was joking la, han! haha... actually got lotsa things to say, but hor.. i think i better censor it lah... for now. x_X OoPs! LESLIE: CALCULATOR PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

k.. i can't see a thing... testing testing.

huh... time to blog again just before i leave for camp once more. -___-" dunno leh.. very blank, dunno what to say even thought there is too much to tell. say also wrong dun say also wrong. haiz... these ten days went up and down, so exciting for me. "ha". k.. let's not talk about the downs, i'll talk abt the ups. hmm... les complain this 10 day break seemed so long to her because we almost stick together throughout. i so sad. 10 day where got enough? haiz. want it to be forever... 'cos i dun want to go back to camp!! aiyah. then computer abit spoil le. i also dunno why yet. think is RAM or video card again. play any game also hang. haiz. then now dunno why tye this in notepad also feeling so laggy. i sad cannot do programming. come to think of it, luckily got this break, which enabled me to renew faith and strength in our relationship. eventhough there is this barrier that will continue to haunt me till dunno when, at least we know that we can be even stronger together. thanks dear.... BUT please dun bring me to ESCAPE again. ya.. went Escape with her. so so so so so scary. i buay tahan one leh. the children play ground swing i scared already. still ask me go escape. wa!!! from far i see the Rainbow like not scary, i can take it.... but when i inside and it starts to move, i nearly die inside lor... woah.. dunno how to explain, the heart really cannot take it. i feel like getting up and stopping the machine but CANNOT!!! haiz. *pa4 pa4* oh... then got the Flipper (i think so). it looked so scary, but when i go inside chey... no kick one. oki lah.. bit of kick. hehe. it was fun really fun day, but it's not because of the ride, it's because i see dear dear so happy. haha... to me it's pay money to scare myself lah... it's the stupidest torture to myself. haiz. but think again, got love one to pei me yi qi si haha... *bleah* oh.. yah then hor for 10 days, never eat expensive stuff! haha... *ehem* calculator? haa.. ok, "calculator" incidentally means "let me show you how much i spent". so it became the kou tou can between les and me. ha. it's good way to siam paying. hehe. aiyah.. i trying hard to think of a song you see... cos someone requested that i dedicate it.. but then hor.. i not a music listener and cannot think of it just off my mind now.... when we first met, it was YU JIAN. told deniece to play it also. ha... then she keep asking me! *shy*... then while in army it's SOMEWHERE OUT THERE. dunno lor.. keep thinking and thinking of you, very xin tong you have to wait. but i'm so glad you kept true to your faith. and then it's GU DAN BEI BAN QIU when i'm in australia... actually miss you alot but i keep myself busy, try very hard not to miss you too much.. ha.. if not the days really are miserable. i only have dou jian you tiao now.. thinking of the past few days, that's what really happened.. the sweet and bitter stuffs we weather through together... finally we are back even stronger. i owe such happiness to you really... you know why i always dun want to write so much about us.... it's because some people read liao will jealous/envy/heartache/puke u see... seriously, you know who i refering to. ya... should understand what i mean right?

wah.... so many things to say dunno where to start. too many things come pushing at me and i'm telling you, i'm really trying to be patient, tolerant and clear minded. but all you little things dun push too far. or i'll bounce back at you. those 13 days i had in australia during training really tested my patience and tolerance with my commander. had to have 100% of both. sometimes even when i'm so tired, i still had to follow instruction even though it's unreasonable. he probably wasn't a good commander, seemingly didn't realize there's a limit to certain things. some of my platoon mates got so fed up of him, totally disliked him. to me, love is like a seed. seed that is looking for a place to grow on. when it lands on good soil, it starts to sink its roots into it. the promise of love is to provide sun and water, whenever the hazards in the air threatens its survival. love at it's highest is a beautiful flower, with constant care given to maintain its brilliance. but... when the promise is gone the flower withers. you can revive it if you realise it in time, but if you fail, it's gone forever, never back again. never. never the same again. you can hang it upside down in your room just like i did, but it still remains dry and dead, nothing more than remnants of memories. you probably wont bear to throw the dried flower away, because it was of good memory too. but in time to come, it would just be a dusty forgotten one. ... so...got into a few accidents during my time in training: INCIDENT 01: tank was doing some movement early morning just before dawn when the sky is still dark. while trying to twist and turn around the forest to get out, fell into an unexpected ditch. then my head crashed into the sighting device and leg smashed into the steel pipe in the tank. scratched, bled, scarred, swelled. INCIDENT 02: after we got out of that forest, travelled some few hundred metres, the engine started to give way and over heated. we were then stranded at this Malpha 6Y axis for 5 days 4 nights, basically doing nothing more than wake, eat, sit, sleep. the rest of the people envied. haha. INCIDENT 03: one of the basic tank maintenace is to tension the track. in order to do that, parking brake is USUALLY released. that fateful day, i was told to tension the track. first instincts was to hop into the driver's compartment (btw, i'm a gunner), and release the brakes. so i jumped in. just as i was about to release both the commander and driver looked at me and asked, "??? what are you doing in there?". "??? do tension, release parking brake lor!" we looked at each other as if there's something wrong and then they said, "??? -o-k -a-y-..." so i released the brake and crawled out of the tank, went to the side compartments. just as i was about to open the compartment and retrieve the tools, the tank started to move backwards. i never realise we're a slope till then. everyone was so stunned that they all just kept still. one big !@$#@#$ heavy tank is moving without a driver!!! but when i saw the danger, i immediately ran after the moving tank, took a three step jump onto the tank and into the driver's compartment stepping on the brakes again. i saved the tank from falling off the mini cliff behind and was jacky chan of the day... you think i got scolded for this? surprisingly no. i was praised. lolx. lucky me. but i scratched and bruised my legs in the process. aiyah... the training is okay la.. i just dun like the feeling of being sweaty and dirty. it's like only bathe 3 times and brush teeth 5 times in the whole duration. and it's not clean also. then... tiring lor... imagine you're so tired yet have some irritating voice telling you to do this and that... haiz. the last 5 days of training is the worse. i din get to sleep at all. only short naps of less than an hour perhaps. every day and night was preparation for live firing and then handing over of vehicals back to the australian authorities. ... R&R in rockhamton was peaceful and carefree. but there wasn't much activity. afterall, it's only a small town. and we all suspected it's rather backward because they have color phone only recently and the clothes i saw seems like those in singapore months ago. ... so happy to be back, can see family and les again....

yawnz.. it's so late already. actually just now i was bloggin halfway, then i gve up the computer to my bother cos' he want to play ragnarok online! so already obsessed in it. for got to mention i had nipple abrasion last in last entry. before the 21km run, we were warned about it, but it sounded so ridiculous that we all just laughed over it. never did i expect i can get it too. haha... didn't feel the pain until i got home and started to bathe. the aftermath feels bad. flying off soon. next next monday. and i haven pack my stuff yet. guess will do it tml. but tml will be another tiring day, going out and moving around. but will definitely enjoy cos got her mah. =) everytime tell me bring you to places you never been... how would i know where... hmm... can't really remember what happened last week. i think it was a very short week end for me. i think it's due to the out field - batallion excercise. it was a simulation of a real war got enemy forces we have to engage. the funny thing that happen was that my zip spoilt! k. you know i wear coverall, which is a one piece suit from neck to ankle. it has only two zips along the center vertical. it happened that i needed to pee, so i pulled down one of the zips, when i was done, i pull it back up only to find that the zip didn't close. try a few more times, worse! cannot means cannot. eventually i struggled half naked for quite some time before i finally zip it the other way. afraid that the other side would give way as well, i ren for very long the second time nature was calling. but still i couldn't ren anymore when i was waiting like a few hours stationery at the axis. then as expected, the other side came off as well... ergh... but i fixed it the same way. came back, brought the coverall for repair. $8. and i learnt a precious lesson on how to fix zip - wax it. really! if zips don't close, wax it with a candle like colouring it like that, then it will be ok again. and that cost me $8 lah...!!! only got 2 coveralls for the 3 week aust trip training outfield. so bo bian. the aust ppl very picky about cleaniness and hygiene. they are extreme environmentalist. they inspect every single stuff we bring there make sure no mud no dirt. and you know... military stuff all so dirty adn stained. hard to clean. these few weeks xiong is because we all cleaning and cleaning. this week book out thurs. could have been out on wed but something pro happened. one of the gun part is missing. the story goes like we stripped all the weapons and put them in crates. during the counting, realize one machine gun extra so some toot~ guy came and remove the body of the gun and left the internals in the crates. then the crates were later shipped to aust. DIE!!!! he die le. somemore sabo the rest of us cannot book out. have to take out all the weapons in singapore to check one by one see if got any more such cases... in the end do until next morning then book out. friday was our anniversay held at safra yishun. it's actually belated, suppose to be 1 july. well.. too busy le. got alots of activities going on but doesn't concern me much. i was just another peep walking around. safra got alot to play but very ex leh.... =( facilities good also cannot so ex la.. after the celebrations at 1400 i made my way to beach road to buy army stuff, top up the remaining of my lugguage. i rushed there and back actually. cos need to do computer. want to quickly finish. at least it's phase 1 done now. can rest abit. yea.. tml must wake early to go gai gai le...me sleepy eyes now. got to go and sleep le. ya? good night.... -__-"

OKAY~... i'm quite stuck right now. i'm waiting. i'm wasting time. k. blog now. the problem with not bloggin for some time already is that i will forget when i stop and have to read my own blog to avoid repeating the same old stuff.... *reading in progress* *completed* hmm.. that's all? so little. k. posted at 1559, no wonder. rushing to prepare to set off. well today, going back earlier - leaving at 1800 - sian. because tomolo got BATALLION level excercise. hmm let me go into the jargon, in case after so long you are still blur about what i am toking. it also makes me make more sense. now... i'm in 46SAR, Singapore Amoured Regiment. 1 regiment = 3 batallion. 46 is 1 of the 3 batallion i'm in. so, i'm in 46. 1 batallion = 4 company (for amour), A, B, C, S for support. i'm in B, bronco. now, the biggest in 46 in CO. under him are 4 departments/people: S1, S2, S3, S4. S1 is manpower. and so on... then at the company level, the biggest is OC who has 4 PCs below him. every PC has a PS and 3 or more SCs (section commanders) or VCs (vehical commanders). lastly, the lowest being, me and my platoon mates. but i have a special identity: welfare rep. so i am also under S1. which makes me kind of higher, with more rights. now.. what happen in the past 2 weeks in quite closely related with my special identity. as a welfare rep i am suppose to go around the camp and find out what the men wants and then suggest to S1 in hope that more welfare will come by. besides that, it is also a direct arrow to make us do more things like organizing a concert for the people which is just what we did. CO insisted that there are lots of talents out there so he wanted to "give us a chance" to perform. but you know.. who will perform without incentives? so we suggested day-offs for those who participate. but... CO so relunctant and cannot come to terms. in the end only each performer $5 popular voucher. the concert was help in the MPH but it's a so-lousy one without proper PA system - dun even have mic-stands!! the speakers abit bonkers and sound the the back is completely muffled, making the audiences behind all falling asleep le. the day the concert was held on is also not a good day because everyone in camp was busy packing stuff into the crates that are to be shipped to WALLABY. it's not easy k... SO MANY WEAPON. imagine. the crate is about... 1.5m X 1.0m x 0.8m... and 8 people also cannot move the crate!!!! can barely lift off the ground. talk about that... you see, going to wallaby is not so easy. cos you need to ship everything there. and everything needs to be inspected by this Australian storeman.. (haha) criteria: no dirt no dust no mud. reason: pollution. i think there is only ONE storeman assigned to us. so everyone was like waiting for him to come. because these are weapons and stuff so we cannot just leave them alone and let the man come himself. we need to look after the stuff. last 2 weeks we also got lots of free time because the commanders were all having some training which doesn't concern us. so we were left untouched. we also had a few nights off which i din go at all because i felt it's a waste of time and money. that aside, the problem with having free time is that we tend to want to sleep on the bed, which is NOT ALLOWED!! i find it really ridiculous because we are allowed to sleep anywhere - the table, chair, floor, cupboard - but the bed. so during the debrief for the concert i raised this WELFARE issue. hope next time i can sleep on bed le... you see... being a welfare rep is not easy because... i'm like kiap in the middle! if i do work, it will make me seem asking too much. if i dun do work, my mates will say i useless. *haiz* enuff of army. lets get back to the civilian world... lets see... AGH!!! i suddenly remember the moon cake! i haven take dinner!! oki. i shall eat that! *afk* *back* hmmm.. nice! yah.. leslie bought moon cake for mother. but she cannot eat leh.. so i eat la. haha. i din buy anything for les's mother, hope she dun mind. hor? les hor? these two weekend had been quite fruitful. managed to spend quality time with her. yea~... also with family and my computer. but.. it's never enough!! haiz. yah and. ran 21km AHM yesterday. i never knew how far is 21km before i ran. now, i think it's short! haha... no lah.. because i ran 16km prior to this. 16km was VERY VERY long to me eventhough i ran 14km before that too. i think is the route that's playing the mind.if keep runing round and round sure feel like forever. 21km was not bad, the route was good. esplanade to shears-bridge to east coast park to kallang to lavender to esplanade again. but my leg really crushed liao. i feel as if i still have stamina to run another 21km but my leg CMI le. it's a pure fight with my legs actually. along the way you get to drink diluted gatorade and see stupid cheering and the unforgettable shark and sting ray mascots... i dun get the link till now. hmm... really time for me to go le... til next week. tata~ *sobsobs*

okook!!! better start bloggin now. getting abit lazy le har! if dun blog now, later no time le.. still have lots to do before i go back camp again! okioki... last sunday din blog. forgot why? probably lazy again. last weekend was tiring cos got out field ma... dun like out fields because cannot bathe! very dirty! sand and dust everywhere! when it rains worse... MUD - "the mud on my face is soil, our soil". this week same also. came back from out field. it still tank platoon battle course, just that this time got blanks to shoot - meaning more weapon cleaning to be done! =( in army we got this super washing formula: MARINPOL! can wash anything and everything except stubborn carbon. it stays on for days... so our hands will have the smell after cleaning arms. marinpol so powerful i use until hand going to wash off le. skin peeling and drying up. every day also got servicing and maintenace of tank have to wash all the grease and mud away... eeks. oh yah... was suppose to say that i didn't have problems with my girlfriend... although it seems so, i was talking about some other things. so please dun xiang wai wai k? thanks. hehe. aiyah... but last night really sad lah... i was angry. feel so bad now. until now haven hear from her. very sad and worried. dunno what she thinking now. i going to leave le... haiz... i dunno how people think of me. sometimes you just have to trust me more and think about it carefully. i know i may seem "egoistic" or whatever... but seriously, there is a difference between "i FEEL right" and "i AM right". most of the time people argue back because they FEEL they are right. but there is still much to debate about the REAL truth. i'm someone who wont make definite statements unless i AM right. it's not that i WANT you to listen, really, it's more of i dun want you to REGRET. haiz. love you. hurts me seeing you hurt. did quite some online transaction these 2 weekends. i'm always busy because i cannot let my time just pass like that without me doing anything useful. even things as dumb as trying to crack passwords and serial numbers for Ragnarok Online will make me more knowledgeable although i din really manage to crack them. (i'll try harder next time, ha). i also want to do lots of promoting and advertising for my "business ventures". alot alot of ideas come to my mind and i'm always finding ways to realizing them. i dun share these with others because friends often think i'm nuts. not even with you, les, because... i would make you nuts! so i'll be doing all on my own. just try... no try no luck; no pain no gain. feeling guilty also for not spending enuff time with other people. wanted to bring mama to KBox. but ergh... all lazy. she also ai mai ai mai... =/ hmmm.... guess i'll just stop here... see you around again, blog!

just came back from ghim moh. met hantiong. had a quick lunch, bought ear phones and visited his father who was at ulu pandan community centre karaoke lounge. then now waiting for dinner to be ready before i dine in and pack up to return to camp. next week i'll be having outfield again... haiz. sep will be hectic as there'll be out fields every week. and come oct, fly to aust wallaby for full scale excercise - picture those scenes in war movies. ah... last week was a slack week. only had SOC. and i passed it under 9 mins 30 secs. physical significantly improved for me. watched the army documentary on TCS 5 one of the days. we were saying it portray the army as if it's so *zai*. and the people who make up the army are our very ownselves. we feel like !@#$% but the show make us look so great. after some reflection... i tot maybe we really are that great just that we dun realize it. though we trained hard, but we trained together so in comparison with others (the only persons are those who trained together), the improvement isn't that obvious. the only clue was that we could do things faster day by day. oh.. had. nights off again, dunno why so good suddenly. but i din go. cos no point wasting money go out carrying the fear of return to camp late, carrying the burden of curfew. might as well rest in bunk. and.. hmm... recieved a something special this weekend... sobbed a little... thought deeply abt it... the relationship circle is like a puzzle. we are the pieces that form it. every piece is unique. every piece is rightful. but not every piece can be together. they have to complement each other. there's no who's right and who's wrong even if two pieces come together but does not match. some have more matches and some has less. if one of your matches is lost, look for another one. your puzzle may have holes in it, but it would still hold together. that's what i can say for now...

yesterday i was typing my blog right into the blogger's add new post interface and after a very long winded story, i accidentally pressed the escape key and everything went *poof* - gone. so fed up. so i shut the com down and went to bed. feeling better now, decided to blog again. it has been more than 20 days since i last blogged. 'cos i was really tired the past few book outs. alot had been going on and some are better left unsaid...unsaid~. while for many people it would just had been as usual, some had much awaited rest thanks to national day; i had the most fluctuating emotions. can't remember the details or when the last time i left blogger alone was, but i'll try. i remember NDP, the parade was like any other parade i had during the practices at the stadium, too numb to the feeling already. did the feel the pride which many claimed we would feel, partly because i wasn't wearing specs so can't see what's really going on too. (took off specs cause the sweat will slip my specs - irritating) the happy part is to see everyone working together and being so serious - finally - in achieving one common goal, i appreciate team spirit. the down side is that there is no more NDP rehersals!!! it may sound weird to be so garang, wanting to burn my weekends to do marching. but the fact is i would have gotten more book out timing this way rather than the normal saturday afternoon then book in sunday evening. - haiz - aha~ also remebering meeting KKH. nice to see him again. hasn't change much except for the fact that he disqualified himself from the bachelor's row. he was telling or trying to console me that couples do quarrel so do not take it too hard on myself. i acknowledge that. being together is difficult, breaking up is even more difficult. i would be lying if i say i forgot everything, totally, because such memories were weaved into my mind with all my heart and soul. it's not about not letting go, it's about how much we gave each other. if i wasn't serious at all, all these would be no more than passing feelings. still, these memories now belong the the backmost part of my mind, and i don't think about it all the time and sing S Club 7 "Have you ever". my heart has space enough for only one person for this purpose, and it's filled now. i'll still be myself, giving my best, i am still the same. love me or hate me, i am still the same. if you liked me, you will still enjoy my presence; if you hate me, you will still turn away in disgust. was sad that our outing ended up in a rather unexpected manner. already i'm having problems in finding time just to hang around reminicising the past, so i guess it's hard for me to get together with them again. immediately the weekend after NDP got confined (btw, just came back from the 2 week confinement) due to living firing on sunday. the training schedule is insane. live firing and ATP in a row cause serious lack of sleep. everyone was only half awake. erm... ATP means Advanced Training Package which is actually SAR21 range. live firing was just a training. ATP was a trial and test combine. i almost got marksman... haiz... 30 out of 40 shots. i need to just shoot 2 more targets. 2 more, and i'm coming home $200 richer. slept at 2am+ and woke at 4am+ during the course of ATP, really *xiong* ar... came back yesterday finally had a good sleep until 9+ din even wake at 5.30am.. that's how tired i was. now waiting for food again. haha. need to buy stuff later, dunno if i should go clementi again... looks like i typed a lot... time to start work on GameHAQs now. tata~

well i'm home again. feelin' real hungry right now cos' i only had mixed beef noodles last night. went out to catch fireworks, but ended up abit sad and *haiz*... guess i'm just not the one. - rainy days arouses deeper emotions for the disheartened - still, after i left her, i managed to catch the last moments of it - but the feeling's never the same again. one more hour to booking in. haiz... SAF keep eating away my book out timings. so unfair. the rest of the camp is booking in tonight and i have to return so early!!! anyway, people have been asking me how's preview. well... it's just like any other rehersals for us. we have been doing too much to feel anything special. even with the crowd around screaming and shouting, they still appear invisible to us. stood there for about 50mins? no kick at all. haha~ legs all well trained! (hope i dun collaspe on the REAL day) had to do this ORBAT chart for my tank platoon. came home yesterday to do it. it's so tedious! but i can't care much, just want to smoke my way through. hope they dun notice the untidyness. i'm already being nice spending my own $$ to buy those materials - card holders and markers. they better appreciate! waiting for food to come home again. *sian* no mood to say much le. haiz.. tata~

it's monday morning again. listening to FM933 now over the internet. me very detached from the music world. haiz... looks like sparkradio really cannot sustain without DJs and 24/7 service. the past week was one of the most xiong week i ever had so far. there were almost no admin time, don't even have 20 mins for me to do up the o-ba-chart (heirarchy tree for our tank platoon). so "lucky" i kena arrowed to do it. haiz. the first one was so nice, but they say too fanciful... make me do another one. *hmpf* most of the xiong come from the outfield - dual tank battle course. last monday went back immediately changed and go vehical shed do up the tanks, load up all the inventories and complete the servicing works; then on tuesday early morning went to NDP NE debrief rehersal; come back straight changed to coverall and moved out to the training ground. the place was not very hot, but there was no wind at all. and dressed in that suit makes us all feel uncomfortable and makes us perfect targets for insects. i had a big patch of insect bite on my right arm, fortunately, it's healing now. the very tiring part is all the camouflaging... imagine chopping down trees (yes, TREES, k la.. its branches keke~) to "decorate" the tanks. i couldn't sleep well the first night (second night no sleep), insects keep buzzing around me. i had to cover myself from the head to toe, leaving only the face to breath, with the ground sheet so that it doesn't attack me. but, i woke up realizing my forhead is badly swollen with insect bites... see how fierce they are!! returning back to camp the second night doesn't mean rest. because we still had to clean the weapons and tanks all the way until 530am... and the next morning have to wake at 630am for breakfast and continue to clean weapons. it's not easy to clean because they expect 99.99%. still we manage after more than half a day. i thought we could rest then, sui zhi dao... they bring us to wash tanks - *faint* took 2 hours to wash 2 tanks. took 1 and a half days to clean up the washing bay!! because it rained heavily during the outfield so there were lots of mud stuck onto the tracks and body of the tank. the layer of mud and sand in the washing bay was near to 5cm thick. it was a horrendous task for just close to 10 people. we all felt like construction workers... is friday by now, recieved news we could book out. so we hurried everything we did to book out ASAP. but before we could clear the choke in the drain and sewage we had to go for ICCT. and... at this moment, i was suddenly recalled. "10 mins, change to SMARTEST 4 and come down!" they next thing i know is i am in CO's (the biggest in the whole camp) office with 4 others. "the reason you are here is because you are chosen to be the welfare commitee" and i was like... "HUH!?!?" that means, i will be extra work to do, but still no welfare. *sigh* i raised a few issues in that meeting.. ya... but, i dun think anything will change in near future.. anyway, i rush back for ICCT (intermediate close combat training) doing break falls. the instructor was very inspiring and fun... rarely can see such a fun guy haha... in army. as soon as fun was over, we were back at the washing bay clearing the choke. there was no way we can book out if we continued to dig with the spade and crowbar through the narrow opening in the drain. so i sacrificed my whole hand up the the elbow, dug and dug... and *ouch* got cut. *shrug* it was worth it, we could go back to bunk and change to civi... it was suppose to be a book out - the entire batallion did. our's was a nights off. UNFAIR AGAIN! haiz... =( so was quite dissapointed. also cannot meet les =/ friday ended with coming back to camp and sleep. it's significant because it's the only day we sleep 7 hours uninterrupted. anyway, my knee was injured somehow i dunno how. feel like la (pull) dao gen (vein). so i din enjoy the book out. but i was allowed to be excuse from the marching the next day. so i wasted my life sitting in the indoor stadium from morning till night just to wait for the others to finish rehearsal. after the dreadful long wait.... finally book out! yea... the past week seemed forever...so long so long... came back found out GameHAQs was down! (OH NO!). the database was corrupted. doesn't seem like a force breach, just a computer fault. but it did great damages, and i lost near to 500 users! *sobsob* managed to bring it up the moment i see a computer at leslie's place that saturday night. only managed to pei her so little... haiz... sunday had to come home le... mother miss me as much, i can see. did some restructuring to GameHAQs this day and... nothing much le.. basically stoning around. but i tried to do something new - writing BOTs. although i'm doing a game hack site, i really have no idea how to write a hack! i know nothing about hacking... so i tried to read up and write a program! haha... after quite some time, i managed to gather some of the programming code together and created a program which could build zerg drones in starcraft.... the first BOT i ever create! haha... but it was just a test program, conceptual only. feeling accomplished, i went to bed at 12+am

"yea... i'm back." "HEY! but today is wednesday! how did you manage to get out?!" "attend C" "what happened!?" "fever" TUES NIGHT 2000h: sobsob... i can feel i'm heating up. i tried to get panadol from medic but he told me to take temperature first before talking to him. too bad i dun have a thermometer. so i just din bother and plan to let myself get the fever and report sick the next morning. TUES NIGHT 0120h: i first woke up by the disturbing heat rushing into my brain. i was overheated and dry and weak. muscles aching and bones chilling. got out of bed and headed for the toilet to drink lotsa water. just then, i realized, there was a blackout!! and the fans in my bunk is not working! i was hot yet cold from the inside. terrible. eventhough we lights off at 2130h, i din have at least 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. i kept on waking and flushing myself with water. WEDS MORNING 0545: fever subsided. but i was still feeling very weak. still no thermometer, couldn't prove i really have fever. so i refused to report sick, in case they take the chance to say i "chao keng". i carried on with the static stations of today's IPPT test... until... i told my PC (platoon commander, usually an officer) about my situation when he asked me to run 9.44mins. WEDS MORNING 0920h: i was forced to report sick. WEDS MORNING 1145h: i book out. haiz. what else... oh yah. my bunk is now starting to become obsessed with "MAGIC the GATHERING". not becuase it's satanic, but becuase too bored nothing else to play. i have an album of MAGIC cards as well. last time i picked from somewhere. according to my friend, there is a $50 card as well as other valuables ones. looks like i can get some extra cash if i sell them =)

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	erotic
Your hugs are...	gentle
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	amazing
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	eternal
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

*sleepy* oki.. just got home from a great day.. spending close to $100!!! in one day eh.. haiz.. i'm spending too much. CONTROL! actually wanted to pass this day with as little $$ as possible, so i planned to just keep walking from chinatown where we will have our morning dim sum, then to geylang to have lunch, then to east coast park to walk walk, then to bedok to have dinner, then go home... but... we ended up like chinatown to raffles place to cine KBox (for 5 hours) then to tampines where we meet hantiong =) first time go KBox. very expensive. 2 persons for $43++. siao! but then nvm la... for you. then the dim sum also very ex.. $47++. actually wanted to use the NKF coupon which offers $25 off with every $50 purchase. but sway sway eat until $47++.. then cannot use the coupon!!! *ARGH* should have eat another plate of "chee chiong fun"... haiz. then at KBox - haha. i really cnnot sing all the pop songs. alot never hear before. only familiar with the older songs. lolx. i living in the wrong age. first time go.. oki lah... new experience. i never sing through mic before. i think this is my first time... very bu yao lian de sing even though all off key! haha sorry 'bout that. today, hantiong have to take cab down to tampines... haiz.. i heartache for him. i know money not easy to earn.. make him take cab i guo yi bu qu... but happy that he can get his $200 bucks for topping in one of his subjects. now he's a genius in his school. ha. glad for him. must jia you. dun waste it. next time will get recognised by the different employers. had dinner and a little chat. before going back where i am NOW. and.. dunno what kah hock is doing. i thought he's supposed to come back and have a meal with us? hmm.. hope everything is oki for him... *very sleepy* goodnight!

argh... leg very *suan*!!! come home from NDP rehearsal. ankle still hurts. i think it's terminal stage already. haiz. today is CR3 (combined rehearsal 3) and is opened to public to watch us perform. but then.. i think is only about 80%, moreover we still not good yet. so... not worth watching also. lucky i din go grab the tickets for greedy mama... haha!! if not she'll be dissapointed. this week quite physical. IPPT, then cross training in-camp, then GYM training and eventually NDP... muscle no time to rest also. now still aching. friend asked me to use "counterpain" but i dun like to use artificial methods... so... i'll bear with it.. just that i may not survive the SOC on tues when i return to camp. *bleah* haiz.. IPPT i still cannot get gold... i need to run 30 seconds faster!!! to get below 9.44mins. i think it's just determination - i've got not enuff. i hope can get gold and be done with it ar... sian... get my $200 and that's it for the next 8 months. else, will have to keep on doing until i get gold. that's the 46 bronco company rule. (i'm in bronco - B). so i cant just get my $100 with a silver... =( ever since the M113 HQ drivers left us, i've got the luxury to share one whole bunk with 3 other mates. so 4 in a bunk! haha spacious! and our bunk has been like the center for entertainment. people eat and sleep and tok cock, play chess and guitar and pillow fight - in our bunk. ha... some how.. my friends are startiong to become more and more interested in MAGIC THE GATHERING. one has even bought a deck to start with. for me.. i think i'll never buy.. (eventhough, i feel i'm the ultimate cause, cos i spread and advertised).. cos waste $$ leh.. haha... nvm.. still old players are coming back (hopefully) to play in bunk during slacking times. oh.. and about the TO BE CONTINUED part... i forgot what i want to say... i think it's just... "the person who you should trust the most is, yourself" and.. once again... i'm busy. because of the new webby.. and also because i feel i must pei her weather the storms in her life at this time. that's the least i can do - to give any support i can afford. sometimes.. in fact.. all the time i feel bad neglecting other friends, but i just hope they can understand. like keep rejecting derrick's invitation... and not toking to peiru for so long... but.. really, you people still stays in my heart. someone brought the ACJC year book to camp. i was flipping through it. once again, i felt utterly dissapointed and uneasy at the fact that i wasted 2 years of my life there. not even a single pixel of the whole book belongs to me - even the class page doesn't have me in it! no momeries - nothing. images of fairfield still stays in my mind fresh. friends from FMSS truly precious... makes me feel sad to part. haiz...

another few weeks passed before i can finally settle down to blog again... even now, i'm typing with sleepy eyes. (pause, let me set to word wrap first) ... (done!) oki. i'm defragmenting my laptop now. it's getting slower by the days. was waiting to use this com i am now on since 0900 when i came home from les's place. but brother was playing pristontale again! luckily mama pulled him away to eat lunch with her right now. yesterday and previous sunday had NDP rehearsals - SUNDAY - ya. so mondays like today became an off day. but everyone's busy on mondays, so i just have to stay home and pei my computer. finally got to see hantiong one of past weekends.. forgot when was it actually. was glad you're picking up right now. and thanks for the japalang drinks... ha. last night was awakened by your SMS at her place! lolx. *ehem* i saw everything... haha... kidding. last week just completed my first out field tank training. it was a 2 day affair from tues morning to wed night. but... since we passed 12 midnight on wed, we came back on thurs morning and only get to bathe at around 0530. i brought back with me lots of insect bites (not mosquito k...) and they itch like mad. i couldn't sleep properly... fortunately it's getting better now. except that there's still scars on the legs. then... from mid june till now, it has been quite hectic. there's quite lots of stuff to look into. ventured into a partnership with a friend in army to create http://www.gamehaqs.com. spent quite some effort to get it up and running and now it's growing. but when there's up there's also down... someone close to me met up with some drastic family problem, makes me worry so much too... then father came back this week end. but only got to see him less then a day.. haiz. heard he's company doing fine and he manufactured merchandise for EURO2004 so i guess that's really good news. =) then kah hock is coming next week end... hmm but i think i cannot join him liao. =/ at the same time also trying to teach HTML to 2 of my friends in army... but.. they doesn't seem to have as much interest to learn as me... oops. well.. it doesn't matter. cos i'm *CrAzY* hmmm... i sort of kicked up the subject about what we are going to become, what we are going to do in the future... i ALWAYS like to do that. because i'm very curious to know what these pple, friends, and potentially competitors, plan to do with thier lives. and through conversation, i'll learn about new ways things can be done. i like to debate also. haha. can force pple to think very deeply and let out all the secrets they know. lolx. but i contribute too lah... and so i find that very few of them have the enthusiasm and confidence to make big successes. very seldom they see a bright future decorated with numerous opportunities. and the funny trend is that higher educated pple will be more likely to take a step at a time, letting things to take its course; whereas the never-study-so-much pple will dare to dream big dreams. some think they are naive, but i beg to differ. ... to be continued...

today is friday! and guess what? i'm home! muahaha. it's a day off for me to compensate the lost incurred due to NDP parade rehersals. more offs coming up and i'm retruning to camp only on this coming monday evening. actually like that also not bad ya? have many offs in a row is better than weekends' less-than-24-hours offs. actually i was released thurs evening, went her place to stay. pei ta lor.. can enjoy aircon also. lolx. but quite sad ar.. both for that techie and me. he died so suddenly, and end up i have to make hearts for him with eyes half opened. still dunno what happened, but nevertheless i sympathise. life is this delicate, truly, it's a unique experience. sent her to work early this morning after having longtong *yummy*! dun get to eat these in camp. then i slept all the way once i came home. the IPPT cat (category) test on monday really cost me all my energy for the rest of the week. yao suan bei tong... *argh* never warm up and cool down properly. the good thing is that i can feel i'll be running below 10 for the next 2.4 run. *yay~* hmm.. the rest of the week was tank crew training. should say it's quite relaxed (for now!) and specially fun during the only day we went for the simulator doing encounter drills. so in each tank were 3 crews, commander, driver and myself. what we did was like playing computer game and to drill on what to do when we see enemy tanks and soldiers. shooting down targets means reacting fast, since we are still new, we were like swinging the gun everywhere. *lolx*. like i will turn the gun (turret) to the target but the driver will also turn to face it, then the whole gun moves completely away from the target. well... you must be there to see it and to laugh your stomach OUT! haha.. we also do things like shooting at HDB flats and driving into canals! lolx. my bunk is like chinese chess club. "training" is so intensive that one of the newbies actually become one of the strongest player now. i used to trash him. but he's unbeatable now. ridiculous! OH YAH! reminds me of harry potter! ha.. should watch, it's nice. i watched last week. oh.. talking about last week.. did i mention about the OTO foot massage machine? yah... mama bought it. very good i must say. and so it links to my ankle. after using the machine, i really think i have a displaced ankle now. i can't stand for long hours, and yes, parade rehersals are breaking me. but what to do... nothing. dunno if can claim compensation from SAF. heard some people managed to. $30,000 or so. i doubt i can.. haiz. err.. after all the reminders... where was i? kk.. i'm hungry now. hmm.. have to go clementi to buy stuff... i'll just stop here. will continue when have time. ta~

*sigh* - relieved and relaxed *sigh* - missing you *sigh* - tired. there's a blue moon today. just this once, i book out before 12pm, 1145 to be exact. reach home 1205, 20min walk from ayer rajar camp brings me home sweet home. haha. so happy. but then.... pian pian she not free... haiz.. really sooooooooo difficult to spend quiality time together. anyway, i just happen so that everything seemed to be planned and just nice because me and kenneth (army friend) decided to start a web business (details confidential) and to start it today. it so happen that i have time to do it... hmm... that's why i dun feel bored. even if i do, i think i can still play saturn. hehe. but, i still miss u. k... haven touch flash, photoshop and php for a long long time. and this whole afternoon i was struggling to recall my skills back. i'm also really outdated in terms of the IT market. found out many new things about the internet today, ie. photoshop 8. like today, sergeant was asking about laptops, if it's in the past, i would have lots to say. but now... what can i say. haha... dun even have chance to get close to them, so end up i cannot give any advice to him too. =( oh.. just yesterday i think... recieved a client's email wanting to make website. too bad i'm in camp!! argh!! it's a big project, but i cannot do anything! qi si ren le. remember last time how i immerse myself in work so much that, maybe... maybe... i neglected her... dun want to commit the same mistake. yet, i believe in pursuing my passion, strengthening my skills, bringing in some cash and building up my future is the long term benefit for our well being nonetheless... if only someone can agree with me. nothing much to blog also... cos whole day only do the site, cannot tok abt army things cos classfied... hmm.. that's all... see you again blog. *eats supper*

was in a rush last week when i blogged, so made a lot of mistakes. just corrected and republished again. hmm... so blogspot has come up with a new look and feel. looks much more useful then ever now. glad they improve their services. back at my computer again, finally. the entire week was quite depressing for many of us back in camp because news of confinement (for current weekend) kept coming. especially some of us, including me who happen to be in the "best" company (best performance, worse treatment). we really wanted to get out but the superior there were like couldn't care less and simply wouldn't sympathise with us. so we were disappointed that there were no one to turn to for help. luckily, there is still one last sergeant who is really very nice. he helped us alot in fighting for our book outs, if not for him, i'll still be in camp setting up the butt for live firing for the AIs (nothing to do with us as tankees). but all i worry is that he's putting himself into trouble... haiz... hope he's ok. my training is currently conducted at ayer rajar camp (OETI) which is just 15mins away WALK from my home. this weekend i walked home from there. i booked out from there. SHOIK! on other days i had to return to camp then next early morning come back to A.R.Camp. i woke at 4am on saturday morning... -.-.zZ that's why i couldn't enjoy the $1000+ birthday dinner for grandmother. wanted to ask HER to come along... shui zhi dao... she msg to say she meeting with "mummy". k lor... anyway, was missing her all the while too. at OETI i also get to see weixuan. haha... he still looks the same. glad he's fine and all. have small talks whenever we had the chance. hmm.. good to see some "old" friends around. so we were talking about how extreme our training was. one point was that for me, tea break is NOT ALLOWED; for him, tea break is ENFORCED! argh.. what is this... hmpf. really very saddening. so far i have two friends whom i think really suffering from serious stress problems. one pee-ed in bed at night and the other cried when he finally can booked out, as if he finally come out of prison... looking forward to vesak day now. haha! cos can book out again! but after that have to book in, for beret presentation on thurs. next weekend will be a LONG book out for the AIs but very short for the tankees. (now you see why it's so unfair? they actually want the tankess to stay behind to help with the set up of the live firing butt, but deprive us of our long book out, but. just TAKE it) oh yah... din really have time to chat with people these days especially hantiong... kinda miss him too. it's like haven seen a family member for so long, wondering how's he's getting. anyway, i had stuff to settle these recent book outs. RCB and SingStat surveys, University application, some shiftings and shopping etc.. just recieved NUS's acceptance letter yesterday. i confirm both NTU and NUS is accepting me! so happy. i got all my first choice. in NUS's 2 choice policy, i got both my first and second choice. i think i'm quite lucky considering the ratio of study-effort : exam-results : application-results. phew! managed to pull through. there's so much to say... but can never be put into words...

lazy kokboon writes his blog again.. beacause leslie toh ignores him and he doesn't know what to do next... actually got lots of things to do, but he chose to procrastinate... he's leaving by 1830 because... *sobsobs*.. haiz.. weeks passed. first phase of my gunner course ended with grand finale - live firing of the M50 SM1 main gun - BOOM!!! you can feel the shockwave around the tank when the explosive round fires off the gun tube... but inside the tank, no feeling!!! not even loud... i'm still trying to figure out why.. going to get my BLACK beret soon.. but before that, very sway-ly i got selected to participate in the NDP '04 parade and ceremony =( had my first rehersal on saturday.. i'm all dark and red now... it's going to be like this until the actual day itself. be sure to catch me on TV k... haha... it's so very tiring lor... but then again, it's really a rare opportunity. heard next year i'll be participating again... twice in a row!! woo hoo.. and this time i'll be driving in in a tank. i'll be at the turret, watch me next year! haha.. actually i doubt you can spot me, cos i'll be camou-ed. (hmm.. why am i so excited?) oh yah.. very happy.. fixed my sega saturn. cos really very sian.. come back from camp really nothing to do except all the admin stuff... last sunday i was trying to fix the transformer (i had to because i can't buy it anywhere le... ceased production), then i accidentally cut very deeply into my the side of my left palm with a RUSTY penknife... went back to camp with a plaster in the end... friday came home, feeling not satisfied.. took out the transformer again, this time... muahahha... fixed liao.. so my turn to ignore her.. cos can play game le! lalala.. kk.. play WC3 le.. tata~

it has been long since i last blogged. i used to be a deep thinker, but now, i hardly have the mental strength to gather my thoughts and reflect upon them. i'm just too tired - training is tiring. in about 50 mins time i got to be on the go again, to sentosa, to attend a COMPULSORY tug of war and FOAM PARTY - Amour Family Day. actually came back last night (friday) because of this family day thingy, then stay over night at her place just to keep her accompanied, if not, we only got too little time for each other. even now, she not around.. went for job interview. took some time in the train this morning on my way home to relax my mind and thinking of people close at heart. managed to "tidy up & organise" my emotions during this one-hour trip; also made me think of hantiong, peiru, karen, clement, andrew and weixuan... i dunno, it seemed like a VERY VERY long time since i last see them and i wonder how they are doing right now. not that i have lots to say to them, but just wanna be sure they are safe and sound... everyone has some bad points in them making their lives more... "rocky" or optimistically, "challenging". they get trapped by their own weakness and becomes upset. everyday i hope they'll get out of their own traps and live a better life each new day. but there is nothing i can really do... i'm not a preacher, not a perfect man either... i'm only a glad person. went for the NUS electrical engineering interview. i was quite clueless what to do and everything was impromptu. the only thing i prepared were some of the certs i have, which, isnt alot. and there i was, sitting in this tutorial room and bombarded with questions from this 2 dunno who... yah.. then was asked to write a 300-word STATEMENT OF PURPOSE on the spot. of cos i din meet the word limit.. i was quite blank at that time, everything happened in a flash, and in less than 30 mins, i'm done. dunno if i'll be selected. but i dun have much confidence cause i felt abit crappy. lolx. but nvm... NTU will want me - i hope. look at the clock. YOUR life is ticking away. have YOU done what YOU MUST do? no? then get going! wait... do you know why there are things YOU MUST do? shouldn't you be doing what YOU WANT to do? ... because, you exist in this world and is answerable not only to yourself, but also to millions of others who exist together with you. how do you think you get to have a share of a bowl of rice everyday? the farmers MUST work a little harder to get that bowl of rice for you, even though they WANT to have a rest.

quite quickly, 2 weeks have passed since i first step into sungei gedong camp, 46 SAR. was excited about my new vocation, knowing that i'll never have to run on the battlefield and crawl in the jungles anymore, on top of that, being a tank operator had always been one of the vocation i wanted. in all, was quite pleased with how things surpirsing worked out. used to think each tank ferry 2 pple - commander and the one operating it. but now i know it differ from tank to tank. sinapore's AMX13 SM1s is operated by 3 crew members - commander, gunner and driver. they say, we being gunner is the most imptortant person among these three because in war, gunner is the one who determines who dies first... i agree... so.. i think my job's quite challenging too. haha.. better than going to chiong here and there... training's not too physical even though it still is.. (well army mah), so far it has mostly been all the technical stuff. an it will continue to be like this. quite intersting to learn these actually. eventhough infantry also learn about things like their specific weapons, we are unlike them in a sense that we learn a higher level of it. i recall father saying he wanted so badly to serve the army but was rejected cos he was PES F, and now he keeps oncomplaining he dun even know how to shoot a gun.. and guess what? haha... i learning to shoot one of the biggest guns... (artillery is bigger than mine lah... but they got no accuracy). lolx. currently finished learning the signal set and the GPMG. both were equally... fun. haha. actually wrong word lah. hmm.. i dun think there are many vocations require knowledge of using the signal set, so being able to touch on that is quite lucky of me. the sergeants tell us that being a signaller is actually a big plus because these soldiers when they ORD, they are employed into companies like singtel. the job scope of a signaller enables him to uderstand the workings of communication systems very well... i think even mass comm students lose them in this area. as for the GPMG... hmm was an eye opener for me. everytime see rambo movies, wondering how his guns work. now, i know. haha. actually the design is not complicated, but the person who could think of it is really good. even the design of the chain of bullets, brillant! each of these GPMG is 10kg and rambo holds one in each hand.. siao one...given the recoil, i dun think is posiible lor... anyway, things were fine until i lost one of the components in GPMG... the case is still not closed and i dunno what will happen to me.. haiz. it took 2 years to replace that component last time it was lost.. so it's considered wuite a big problem... all the best to myself. can't write more now.. have to go le. tata~ next week...

last night was very scary... she just called me suddenly. over the phone can ear her cry loudy.. made me so worried. and i dun even know what happened. =/ but i know there is nothing in the world cannot be solved. =) was playing FAIRYLAND halfway then... i waited patiently for her to reply, at least tell me she's alright. it was untimely... i just fleed from a battle and i am left with 10hp. i din dare to move any where cos i scared may meet up with another monster. so i was kinda trapped in this little house. waiting for hp to regain. so i left the computer on and went to lie on bed first. cos no mood to play le. when i finally recieved her reply saying she okay le, i was relieved... thereafter... fell asleep! the next time that happened was me waking up, reading the computer clock "5.55am"... ARGH! aiyah.. waste electricity... lol.. but.. nah.. so i sat up and started playing FAIRYLAND again! haha... all the while i play i suspect she's a wake... eventually at 745 i smsed her and confirmed my sixth sense =). but i was quite sad... cos i know she must be real tired. so asked her to come my place to sleep because her place got contsruction going on... =/ she came, sleep wake sleep wake sleep wake... erg!!!... qi si wo le! then dun want to sleep nvm... dun want to eat also!! haiz... so stubborn. in the end... FEVER! hmpf. now u better rest at home and rest WELL. dun so stubborn le. wo shi wei ni hao. another day gone... another day closer to army camp... oh yah... very farnie.. this one must say... was on my way home on MRT after sending her home. then sitting opposite is this japanese lady wearing tight-racer back-jersey with jeans under denims! lolx. and she never wear bra.. can see nipple so big sia... not my fault.. she sit opposite me. then beside her... got this really fat chinese lady also. so what's my point? see.. both were folding arms, but the japanese has her breast rested on the folded arms while the chinese rested her arms on her belly fats! can see the bulge position... keke~ oops... so bad...

whole morning... jotting down history.. compensating for the days i were too tired and lazy to blog, and in the mean time, waiting for her to come. sent her to work in the afternoon, then .... came back... and PLAY COMPUTER WHOLE DAY! haha... *yawnz*

once again... lai chuang until quite late. then packed my new sling bag and set off to NUS. went down to take a taxi because i really got no idea how to go. (but now i know). went there. quite fast. wrote the madam a new pin. she resetted it. came out of NUS. dunno where to go. took 96. reached clementi. reached her house. as in the last her. memories flahed. heartache. well, *sigh* dun care. went even closer to her block. reach downstairs. buy lock. memories flashed again. *sigh*. walked away. back to bus stop. took 147. alight @ commonwealth. took train. reach bugis (AGAIN). then spent the rest of the day with les =)

eh... forgot what i did.... hmm... lemme think... *pause* OH YAH!!! haha... kk.. so it goes. i lai chuang until 11am like that, after that went out to aljunied to post something at the main branch.. and stupid me.. when reach there only to find that they close on SUNDAY! lolx.. dumb right. so i carried the parcel all the way. today suppose to meet army friends at parkway to carry drinks for this evening's bbq. but i live in west, unfamiliar with east. then i stuck at aljunied where the roads all underconstruction and so messy.. i dunno which is which way. needless to say. late again. so they say dun need me le, tell me to go directly to ECP. but... I ALSO DUNO HOW TO GO ECP! haha... so i called a few people. i trust weixuan the most cos i think he's the best to as for DIRECTIONS. if ask he what bus to take he sure dunno, he only know directions. keke~ so i followed his direction and walked all the way from aljunied to ECP then from ECP to pit 19... i dunno how far it was... but after so many route marches.. it was chicken feet. hehe~. response was not bad... everyone came. though some left early. this time i really slack. sit and wait for food only. haha... then only got one brought GF. but the gf quite nice lah.. not shy, and is friendly. so got talk talk with her. hmm... oh then they try to strip this guy and throw him into sea. but ar... they pick the wrong guy lah... he cannot take these kind of pranks. and will get real angry and when he does, he wont give face and will whack anyone anyhow just to save himself. in the end make the atmosphere so tense.. haiz.. but i din get involve. i know him too well. phew. then i also left early. after eating a 5 king prawns. because the event was going to end liao. i din want to clean up. so i left early. haha... bad right? haha but aiyah... nvm... no one loves me anyway (keke~). and so i took bus 196 for an hour and reached home...

today... went gai gai with mama at bugis. actually i smart ar... 1 stone kill 2 bird. send les to work and meet mama all at same place! hehe.. haha. at least spending some quality time with her, can talk talk and all. she so short, i feel like a big boy. haha. stand beside her also got the strong responsibility to protect her that kind of feeling. not much really. small talks and giggles. it has been a VERY VERY LONG TIME since i last go gai gai with her. can see she quite happy also. er zi na me da le... then can see her face showing that kind of man zhu gan... see? haha... we checked out the handphones promotions... because brother lor... starting to become hiao... then want to have new phone new line. i also dun have ar! but, both of us know nuts abt them so were were like pointing at the tags and started to make guesses, trying to decipher. lolx... i think the pple around must be laughing at at. haha. we also went to see bags because mama want to buy a new one for herself. then passed PMK saw this quite nice bag then the mei nu down there make her try it on. very farnie... cos at that time got lots of girl girl around. then suddenly one MAN and OLD WOMAN walk in. hahaha... then i purposely say "now liu xing wear until the pi gu!" then they all luff.. lolx... haiz.. but it's true mah... learning is lifelong, staying in trend should also be lifelong. haha. but eventually she din buy it because she prefer a zip one to a string one. but as we were walking, really, realize nowadays the market target is around those teenagers up to 30+. really very hard for ah ma ah gong to shop out also... before go home, munched at delifrance with les during her break. she da best liao.. never bring inhaler... haiz. make us worry only. then SUDDENLY - *ring ring* "hello?" in a deep voice "e-h... c-o-m-i-n-g w-e-i h-a-o's g-a-t-h-e-r-i-n-g o-r n-o-t?" "... err... you are qing zheng ar?" lolx.. haiyo.. everytime like tt, call me never say who is he.. so i know must be qz. he wants to meet me... i was like aiyah! i also want to see him. ltns le ma. but no time. =( so i tried my best to hurry home, still it was too late le. he leaving at 9, i reached home at 8. so we said nvm. then dunno why, that night... FEVER. so had panadol, then went to bed... "OH YAH!" haha.. i jumped out of bed and grabbed the phone and called hantiong to ask about peiru... as for the details.. nah...

the last week of BMT was quite impactful for me... cos most of the time we only did AREA CLEANING (haha) and the more i clean, the more i miss the place. really... it was just beginning to feel like a real home for me and i realize i have to leave it soon. i miss tekong not because the things there are wonderful (apart from the rare sceneries), but it's because i did wonderful things over there. it's like we RELUCTANTLY brave through the most dirty and uncomfortable things we ever want to do, and we do it smiling. and if someone does something wrong... we got all the protection from the sergeants so that nothing really bad can happen to us and makes BMT an extraodinary experience. i guess the people there also makes a difference... better learn to like the people there, or your life will be miserable. imagine going through mud and sweat with someone you hate beside you... =X when the graduation 24km route march came... it was exciting, and at the moment... it was like "AWWWW... not again!?" but knowing that it's the final lap (literally), have to take it optimistically. once you take the first step out, there's no turning back. that's how cruel. the other time for 16km we were walking round and round the BMT ground so it was mentally more difficult because there is a strong tendency to give up and just sit one side to rest even though the ground was perfectly flat. but for 24km we walked into the woods in the dark... and naturally we don't even dare to think of giving up because in any case still have to come back to camp ma... can't possibly stay in the wilderness... so they just walked and walked... the last 4km walk was super-fast... i never see pple, including myself, with such high morale before. even though we were dead tired but somehow the mind takes control, lifting us with psychic power. that is another amazing thing. oh yah!!! how can i forget sia... besides area cleaning, we did the POP parade rehersal! again and again! haha... all of us are chao ta half upper arm down to the fingers! if that sounds weird, it's due to our uniform. our face not really burnt because we had to wear helmet for the rehersal... i rather get a black face lor... but guess what's the worse? on the actual day, we didn't even get to parade!!! the parade suppsose to start at 1630 and the rain came exactly at that time. *diaox* really waste effort... not as if we got nice tan.. if so then at least got something to feel okay about.. so, it was quite dissapointing. the parents and friends and gfs who came to watch the occasion confirm very dui also... come all the way here to see rain... somemore stuck on the island because not enuff fast craft to ferry them back to mainland. for my mother and i, we had to wait and queue from 1630 all the way to 2030 before we board the ferry... felt quite guilty at that time cos ask mama to come for nothing. lucky les and bro din come.. or else... hahaha... luckily, surprises do happen once in a while.... it happened like this: we were in the line queuing for the fast craft. as we walked closer and closer to the gate we could felt freedom drawing near. but so sway... we were cut away from the people in front because the ferry is full. so now we are the first in the queue to wait for the next one... btw, it's 15mins per next ferry. wah.. then the next ferry came finally. from the outside, it was unusually big. then as we approached it, we could see a faint silhouette of the disco light shpere. the door opened and we ascended the steps into the cabin and realized it is a mini cruise! there we sat under the romantic amber lights... enjoying the last thing that is worth all the trouble... lolx. anyway.. that's abit too carried away. after like 2 hours of travelling... finally, i'm home! with two big barang barang and lots of sweat.

ARGH!!!!! very e sian... play truck dismount again and again and again... super slow motion.. see liao even more sian... later gonna leave at 1900.. really dunno what to do now... ergh... too fed up to write now also.. hmpf! byebye!

another week has passed, so quickly. by end of next week, it would be POP and then the start of "hell". actually suppose to write yesterday night, but was too busy le.. after everything i was exhausted. so.. .zZ this week is a real tiring one. so far all the activities are quite xiong and makes us real dirty, especially 16km route march. the craziest thing i have before NS is to run from suntec city all the way to commonwealth drive, home. i dunno how far is that... but i took about 1 hour... hmm.. now i suspect i took longer than that... unless it's only 4km, or i run really fast, which i doubt.. dun you think so. anyway... walked 16km this time with a load of i dunno how many kg, but, it's just heavy la. walk until abrasion... now pain pain at the groin. can't imagine the 24km i going to go for next week... hmm besides this still got grenade practice which is something new, interesting... but dangerous! and earlier in the week had this simulation of battlefield condition where we require to chiong in to fight. very unfortunate, i got the muddiest lane and i was like almost drowning in cold mud chocolate when i was doing all the crawls... i think my BMT would be the most memorable compared to other batches. ha. out of no where there can be 3 robbers landing on tekong and set the whole island on high alert. i was amazed at how fast SAF was able to deploy the men from the various units as i witnessed the incident. at first when mobilization was called for, we all thought it was just an excercise until we see 2 heli landing in. it was quite exciting to see 2 superpumas landing just behind our barrack where the soccer field is. then there were commandos and many other soldiers storming in on 5-tonners. well.. it was like the movies... at first they said we were going to be trapped on the island because all book in and out will cease. but somehow after the security is in place, we were allowed to book out so as to ensure our safety... like i was saying, nothing in army is confirmed, must always be ready for unexpected change. we can plan and arrange everything we want to do, but we can't plan what others do. family always tell me to call back early to confirm book out timing. but for the past few book outs, the timing keep changing last minute without fail. so i told them, they must always be prepared for the day i wont be back. like those who are sent in to fight the robbers, there are both NSF and regulars so... anything can happen. i also sian liao.. dun want to speculate when i can come out, in order to avoid disappointment. so tired... everynight want to sms just to know how u are doing, but i just couldn't keep my eyes open and i doze off too quickly. miss the civilian life where freedom is just in the air. miss the people in all sorts of colours. miss the ones out there waiting. realize living can be meaningless even with a purpose, there has to be something to look forward to everyday, something you want it to happen and know that it will happen. everynight i feel exactly like a civilian who is far far away from loved ones; and every morning, all these thoughts go away and are replaced with a strong feeling of responsibility as a soldier. dun think i'm psychoed, i'm just myself once again, doing my best in whatever i have to do or set out to do. alot of things not within my control now... sometimes feeling quite bad that i dun spent enuff QUALITY time with pple who are dear to me. no time for mother, no time for father, no time for brother, no time for gf, no time for friends, no time for work. was thinking, even after NS, i probably also wont have much time because have to deal with university work and what if i have to stay in hostel?! there will surely be lots of projects and stuff like that which will eat away most leisure time... by then, i will be spending most of my time with schoolmates... haiz.. everything is so packed. for now, i just hope brother will be mature and know how to zi ji xiang, don't let family worry, cos, he's still very playful now... =( hmm... when i'm his age... i already working and earning money le.. ha. oh ya... di di got GF le... haiyo.. so fast.. i sec 3 year end then have eh.. he early sec 2 have liao.. these days ar... dunno how the GF is like.. but heard is very tall wor.. sad sia.. i so short =( sobsob.. but i look at photo, got ah lian look!!! yeeks.. but nvm.. dun judge appearance first. =x oh yah.. did i mention i want to buy PS2? cos every sunday is book in day. then usually not out so only rot at home, very sian. feel like buying something to play with... PS2 seems like a good choice. but you know me.. very bu se de buy for myself... so unlikely i will buy. but last saturday coincidentally kids central having ONE PIECE contest where they give away free PS2!! haha... then i enter the competition.. dunno will win or not. haha... geng small kids qiang wan ju. keke. but hor.. i enter the particulars using my brother's. haha.. paiseh la. btw... remind me to get the photo of the rainbow from my sergeant k.. thanks. okioki... i really very hungry le.. type all these while waiting for les to call me so that i can start moving to PS (plaza singapura lah!).. but... STILL HAVEN CALL!!!! haiz.. guess dun.. HEY!! handphone auto off! siao liao.. haiyo.. erm.. k.. guess dun wait le.. i better go off now... so... tA~ oh yah... happy belated bday han!

today's book out is really dissapointing. first they tell us we booking out at 1215 when ALL the others stay in camp. then the gold n silver IPPT drill competition team members get to book out at 700. then the rest of drill team book out 900. then when it was 1215, the rest of us were still behind the ferry gates. and we became the last platoon of the last company to book out. =( i could have booked out at 700.. but haiz.. that time twisted ankle so they dun allow me to join drill team. =( so today was quite boring for me. woke up 530 all the way doing nothing much except a little bit of area cleaning until 1215... WHY?! so slack... hmmm but still happy can see mainland again. saw a magnificent sight in tekong last friday... it was a rainbow... a full semi-circle of rainbow so distinct in color, shape and contrast against the skyline.it was heavenly... suddenly, a second rainbow slowly appeared above the first! although it was fainter, but could still clearly see two bands of concentric rainbow! they entire sky was pink on this side and on the opposite, it was a full screen of amber skylight.. perfect... must see the photo then you understand... i was mesmerized... come to realize actually tekong is a very beatuiful place of nature. at night, the sky was full of shimmering stars accompanying the full moon. some even reported sightings of shooting stars orange in color during guard duty.. i wish i saw them. but too bad.. it is a restricted area. =( the whole week is a slacking week. did nothing much actually. in fact can't remember what i did also. i'm happy with slacking... but time seems to pass so slowly when we are doing nothing! and i really yearn for the book out day so much then ever. finally here i am... most of the time played chess and Magic The Gathering. i think i lost more than i win. pple in there are just too pro and think really fast. must admit defeat. then i think going to kena addicted to Magic liao. but i wont go spend money to form a deck cos it's so wasteful. only play when there is really nothing to do... it was fun learning how to play and realize that i once had created a game with similar rules as this. going to POP soon... 2 more weeks =)

sian... falling sick again. like i told my friend: dunno why everytime come back then fall sick, cannot enjoy my book out. then return to camp sure fighting fit all the way, want to chao keng also cannot.. haiz... worse is spread germs all around cityhall, ps, HMV and to friends around me especially poor les... this morning had OCS + SDC visit also the first day company gather after release of A level results. slept 12am+ previous day and woke up 5am this morning. surprisingly, i woke up automatically without alarm or anything!! so tired yet can wake on time, miracle... so i hurriedly wash up, bathe, fold smart 4, put it on and left home. then managed to eat a tiny weeny breakfast before taking train to boon lay. and so we met. everyone so eager to know how each other fared. there were many As and Bs around. the sad thing is that i dun even have an A; the glad thing is that i am above average =). it was quite a mixed feeling i had the day results were released - friday - very deep instincts tell me i wont be happy with my results. was hoping to get at least BCD and C6. surely BBB was above expectation but i still din feel the relieve. i was quite dissapointed actually. like what han told me, i considered the input and output, but there is another element to consider - capability. i'm sure i should be getting ADA C6, but i couldn't even get one A... no cert is beautiful without As... sob. so i was actually dissapointed that i laze and slacked through the papers.. so... should be thankful cambrigde was lenient. one guy got EEE; another OOD; another BCD, F9.. lolx.. every single combination also have... the extremes... after all the wow, we proceeded to the lecture room where the LT gave a introductory talk about OCS. it was... interesting la... but not helpful at all. quite crappy at times. the only thing that caught most my attention was the description on how to skin rabbits and quail: for rabbits, have to blow air between the flesh and skin to inflat it so that can peel easily. then for quail, trainees will be asked to BREAK open the bird's ribs cage by piercing the thumbs into the thorax then force it apart, removing the gall bladder and stuff like that... YUCKS! anyway.. by the end of the talk it was 9am already. was quite shocked that 4 hours just passed so quickly and it seems we haven done much also. time flies... after that is all the SDC tour... pointless to talk about also.. quite boring and redundant. it's like i have toured so many times already! only new thing is that i suddenly feel intimidated. cos i realize since singapore excercises consription, it means that every MAN in singapore has a military rank and it becomes abit stressful for NSF cos like today, the bus guide is actually a CAPTAIN and the SDC tour guide (lao bei bei) is a colonel!! madness, all so high rank. i bet they must be thinking army boys this days are spoilt brats! entire thing ended about 1pm thereafter i rushed home bathe and slept until 3pm. before i changed to civi and head for PS to see dear... haha.. finally. then today also quite sway la... pestered by insurance people. what savings plan and blah blah... come on.. i am also a marketeer... i know all your tricks.. you can't cheat my money. and i quite amazed how fast i calculated the money on the spot and compared the plans without them knowing. haha... even countered them until they bo bian... have to release me. well... too bad. i did give you pple a chance, but you failed to convince me, your plans just doesn't appeal to me. manage to met han and cy.. happy to see they en en ai ai like that. =) but for me... awww.. not too good le... had to keep miss grumpy around... haiz. poor girl. i understand the disaapointment... well.. take it easy k? walked around sort of aimlessly but it was still a happy trip for me cos get to gather together (pun not intended) lolx. eventually parted ways cos it was rather late le.. and useless me is falling sick, buay tahan le... fever, cough, runny nose and GASTRIC! haiz.. starved myself for snoopy, in the end also never get to eat. haiz... so sad. well.. time to rest now.

this morning woked up by brother (cos i told him to, but he forgot, and woke me up for another reason... read on) cos he forgot to let mama sign his test papers... *diaox*. so he asked me to sign. "22/30. why? maths never get full marks!", "22/30. hey... spelling also cannot get full marks. never study right?", "15/30. oie! why like that? science very difficult ar? you dunno the answer or dunno what the question talking abt?!"... sign sign sign. hurried to my 3310 and it reads "6.59am" and so i quickly went to bathe and wash up and changed to semi-gai-gai clothes with the usual berms. grabbed nokia, pierre cardin and keys and left home, reached lift lobby, *AIYAH*! forgot to bring along the tie da uncle's name card. so i had to go all the way back to get the namecard. haiz.. absent minded. 3310 reads "7.36am" when i am in MRT at outram station. smsed her saying i'll reach bedok around 8.15am. but dunno why today the train moved really fast and i reached a little sooner than 8am. and so, dear dear couldn't get ready in time and i could feel how my speedy advance was stressing her up. but sorry, din mean to, cos i am TRAINED to be fast. she missed the 66 i was on and so we ended up meeting each other at the bedok reservoir road bus-stop. btw, the namecard had become redundant. no choice, but had to see tie da. twisted ankle for nearly 3 weeks and still abit swollen, aching at certain angles. plus dunno since when, i think twisted spine also, pain pain. cannot bend backwards. think injured during SOC. already waited so long for a decent break to get my bones working again. as of this morning, i'm mummified - sian... then tomolo get results how? cannot wear mei mei le... have to commit suicide in ugly state. actually i very tempted to daddify (opposite of mummify) myself before i go school... hehe... anyway, happy that can spend time with loved ones once again! with mother brother girlfriend and.... saturday can see han! and my long lost $560 - $20 ONLY (ehem... hahaha.. kidding). oh yah... just read han's blog. well... thanks for your compliments once again... but hor... dun say too much lah.... later sure have something bad happen to me... actually i very very sad eh.... cos in camp, many platoon mates dun like me eh... dun ask me why. i really dunno what wrong i did. hmm... we had this peer appraisal thingy and had to rank each other according to "most prefferred friend", very "coincidentally", i appeared last on most forms. haiz... how sad... i know...along the way surely have pple buay song me... like... hmmm MISS HE and blah blah (dunno who else, but have lah i guess)... but to have pple in the same platoon bearing grudges with me really dissapoints me in 2 main ways: 1) i made others unhappy 2) people, supposedly friends, around me are actually hypocrites i'm trying to find out the cause and trying to make up for whatever i have done already... but hang in there, cos it's about 4 weeks left only. anyway... where was i? *scrolls up and tracing* oh yah... toking abt being happy to get back with close people. yah... happy and.. feeling the sense of xin-fu-ness and peacefulness. but... after i sent her to work, i became REAL bored. really nothing to do. haiz.. alone at home. on bed. staring incident with the computer. spending too much time in camp causes disorientation back in mainland Singapore. was trying to explain how good i feel back in mainland to les and mama but i think no one can really understand the feeling until tt person kena admitted to tekong for NS. the difference is distinct - military and civilian life. i think i'm writing alot because i really got nothing else to do. hahaa... oh yah.. was playing GB, there my friend told some other pple tt i'm a computer pro. come to realize that, i haven been touching the computer stuff for a very long time, literally "lost touch". i guess i'm not as good as before already. even before that, while bathing, i was trying to recall some of the programming stuff and i realize i forgot most of them already. sad case. there i remembered timothy who's still on cho's project. talked to him, saw his works, must say it's getting more professional! haha. good job. thanks tim. if you got other lobang, REALIZE CREATIONS is still alive and around. then got this quite-handsome-well built-bachelor (i mean it. u want his number?) buddy who sleeps on the next bed and who is MLM + SHE fanatic who would bug me everynight. he listens to FM933 and gets SUPER excited over SHE song and would stuff the ear piece into my ear (DUH!) - OR - he would suddenly ask me about MLM stuff - OR - he would moan and grumble and question why he couldn't find a girlfriend - OR - any combination of these. so what's with him? UNKNOWINGLY, he reminds me abt belair lor... i haven been able to work on it. and that's really one of the important things on hand now... have been listening to various MLM companies' com plan and all in camp and realize i have been laggin behind... but what to do? really very difficult to continue - at least for me. UNKNOWINGLY, he also reminds me of my girlfriend, that i should cherish and treat her well, and i am trying my best le... and lastly, UNKNOWINGLY, he makes me want to train up physically more my target now is to run faster than his best 9.53mins (he is now slower than me) for 2.4km after that i want to run below 9.44mins. muhahaha... dunno if i can.... *shrug* wah... really alot and alot of things.... i can really go on forever... but, let me keep some personals ba... enuff for today. ta~ oh yah... PLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEE let me get at least D7, B, C, D, A1 for A levels' result... PLEASEEEEE...

phew... finally back home again!!! and this time is a long weekend! woo hoo! so happy. for the past few book outs i barely had time to even rest... booking out for a few hours of conciousness is really pathetic. before u know it, ur're back in camp again. haiz... the previous book out i really din have time to blog, because i reached home 11am and have to leave by 6pm the very same day. in between met up just to keep each other accompained and hoping i can be there to relieve her stress and unhappiness. but all too little time... was how sway... haiz.. the previous friday supposed to be very happy. whole day just slack around doing nothing much but coy maintenace. was filled with excitement looking forward to next day's book out cos it was a morning book out. even planned what to do le... but sooooooo very sway i was random-selected for guard duty.. ARGH! found a friend, so nice to offer to replace me.. but then... dun want to sabo him lah... since fate like that play me.. i shall play on! so had to become a "guard".. and even more SWAY... kena sent to mainland SAF ferry terminal. still not enough, that day zun zun got aerospace showcase so alot of pple walking around and we had to be alert all the time, really doing our job. the reward is that we can see plane flying around lah... but, also nothing interesting, the other time confinement also saw everything. this time book out is also full of ups and down. the good news came on tues when the 2LT announced that those silver and gold IPPT award holders can book out on wed night around 11pm after the night swim. soooooo happy sia... cos i finally can get some rest. of cos the others were not happy lah... those chao geng ones, din take IPPT also very dui. haha.. serve them right. lucky i chiong all the way despite my ankle injury. oh... and i got personal all time best 2.4km timing of 10.08min. *paiseh* some pple do under 10 lah... but i think i can try that too. hehe. nearing... then on wed morning, dunno which doink spread rumor say book out delayed until thurs 3pm, then i was like so sad... cos everytime i confirm timing with family and her le, then CHANGE AGAIN! haiz.. later in the afternoon realized it's fake then i become so happy again. lolx. after that they say swim cancelled, so can book out even early - super high morale le. shui zhi dao... after chionging so hard to get ready asap, they tell us have to split into 3 waves cos not enuff boats... *bish* so i had to wait until 11pm afterall, cos i fail SOC - so sickening... dunno how i can fail also... stupid sweaty palms! but at least.. i'm home sweet home.

sad ar!!!! this week seems to be slower than usual... finally finished my situational test which also means all the major events are more or less over liao. but it wasn't a good finsh at all... became so dissapointed and moody knowing that i will have to serve 3 confiements! ARGH!!!! and i feel there is no good enough reason to fault me. went back tekong after the field camp break with a sorethroat which turned into cough and headache for the first day of sit test in out field. i underestimated the 8km route march to the camp site. now i realize 24km march just before POP is not going to be easy at all... the first day was easy. learnt some knotting skills in theory and not-enuff-practice, and that's about the whole day. easy right? the second day sit test went fine, just that the more i want to be the IC, the more i could get appointed. so was abit sian cos couldn't perform mah... the assesor is a leuitenant from outside unit and he is much better than this other captian we had on the last day... well, at least he makes comments and helpful suggestions rather than just keeping quiet and stern all the time. on the second day i was on a mission to sweep mines using bayonet. halfway, was contacted by snipers, then we had to carry out the sniper drill. immediately i took cover and put aside my bayonet and took up position with the rifle. thinking that we should treat it seriously and urgently, unlike the others, i abandoned my bayonet and escorted the injured out of the area first, but i DID ask another guy to help pick my bayonet up. and he did. but the thing is, the sergeant called him back and took my bayonet from him and then fault me for leaving the bayonet behind, not taking care of it... i think it's simply unfair. the rest who kept their bayonet should be those kena punish lor... in that short time of cos is take cover and protect the wonded, where got time to keep bayonet!? haiz.. but no point arguing so i had to face it... sergeant then actually asked me to report the incident. but i didn't do it earlier so the commander tot i trying to hide from him. the thing is i knew i will bet caught for not keeping the bayonet yet i left it on the ground. and i also knew i will get into trouble if i din report earlier, but i STILL didn't report it earlier... dunno what i am thinking.. possesed by ghost. eventually i am sentenced to 3 confinements... ARGH!!! after that is all sian 1/2 then also dunno why so sway... twisted my ankle, then limping away the wholeday.. cannot report sick also because it will cuase me to fail my sit test... i also missed the 2km SBO run.. feel quite left out even till now, cos i dun feel good not completing BMT in whole. have to return to camp 0730... need to sleep le... what's the worse of all is i am unable to give attention to dear... haiz.. feel so bad... all my fault. actually got lots more to say, but i am tired le... and... there is just too much... so.. i end here ba... nite nite...

spent the afternoon resting at home then went out for dinner with her plus sending her to work... haiz.. heart pain to see you work so xin ku.. booking out on weekdays quite sian eh... cos most soldiers still in camp and students still schooling, and other girls working everywhere. there is few pple to go out with or even talk to. so.. in the end just stayed home to rest and sayang all the rashes, insect bites and pimples on the feet, hands, face and neck... i'm disfigured now (was ugly, now uglier. *sigh*) friends were complaining i always wear the same old things to go gai gai and so two good buddies very generously bought me a pair of INDOOR adidas. thanks! =) i think it's over $100 lor... feel guilty sia... i really din expect it. i actually forgot all abt my birthday because it fell on chinese new year so it was more of a new year then a brithday feeling. but really xie xie... cos had intention to pamper myself with a pair of adidas, xiang bu dao.... you complete it for me. like it alot... k then today had a makeover. my dressing was totally unkokboony. even attempted to wear a necklace but she complaint it was too much, so i took it off. i really look different le.. the "hair" and tanned skin went bugis after that, where we had dinner at FISH AND CO.. actaully wanted to treat her, but found out i forgot my mastercard after i asked for the bill. was scared stiffed cos i din have enuff cash. shui zhi dao... she actually prepared $$ to treat me liao... cheeky fella... *phew* felt quite bad lah.. cos she had to work so hard to pay for that meal... haiz.. straight after, we had to rush to the work place liao... there we parted, leaving me alone in bugis feeling rather alone and lost. cos dunno where to head next. took out phone and messaged a few pple hoping they are nearby so that i can meet them halfway for a drink and chat.. sadly... none replied. sat around for like 20mins before i gave up waiting and headed west, home. in the train i looked at my own reflection in the window... it feels as if i have suffered alot... look so weary and all... haiz... but, i still think training is under expectation... i have yet to get back my abs yet. lolx. ooo... very happy. realize creations got another deal. but it's a small one lah.. still... there is progress =) thanks tim. lead us onward. haha... hmmm what else? nothing le... gtg pack stuff. tata~ tomolo book in at 1030 haiz....