just came back from ghim moh. met hantiong. had a quick lunch, bought ear phones and visited his father who was at ulu pandan community centre karaoke lounge. then now waiting for dinner to be ready before i dine in and pack up to return to camp. next week i'll be having outfield again... haiz. sep will be hectic as there'll be out fields every week. and come oct, fly to aust wallaby for full scale excercise - picture those scenes in war movies. ah... last week was a slack week. only had SOC. and i passed it under 9 mins 30 secs. physical significantly improved for me. watched the army documentary on TCS 5 one of the days. we were saying it portray the army as if it's so *zai*. and the people who make up the army are our very ownselves. we feel like !@#$% but the show make us look so great. after some reflection... i tot maybe we really are that great just that we dun realize it. though we trained hard, but we trained together so in comparison with others (the only persons are those who trained together), the improvement isn't that obvious. the only clue was that we could do things faster day by day. oh.. had. nights off again, dunno why so good suddenly. but i din go. cos no point wasting money go out carrying the fear of return to camp late, carrying the burden of curfew. might as well rest in bunk. and.. hmm... recieved a something special this weekend... sobbed a little... thought deeply abt it... the relationship circle is like a puzzle. we are the pieces that form it. every piece is unique. every piece is rightful. but not every piece can be together. they have to complement each other. there's no who's right and who's wrong even if two pieces come together but does not match. some have more matches and some has less. if one of your matches is lost, look for another one. your puzzle may have holes in it, but it would still hold together. that's what i can say for now...

yesterday i was typing my blog right into the blogger's add new post interface and after a very long winded story, i accidentally pressed the escape key and everything went *poof* - gone. so fed up. so i shut the com down and went to bed. feeling better now, decided to blog again. it has been more than 20 days since i last blogged. 'cos i was really tired the past few book outs. alot had been going on and some are better left unsaid...unsaid~. while for many people it would just had been as usual, some had much awaited rest thanks to national day; i had the most fluctuating emotions. can't remember the details or when the last time i left blogger alone was, but i'll try. i remember NDP, the parade was like any other parade i had during the practices at the stadium, too numb to the feeling already. did the feel the pride which many claimed we would feel, partly because i wasn't wearing specs so can't see what's really going on too. (took off specs cause the sweat will slip my specs - irritating) the happy part is to see everyone working together and being so serious - finally - in achieving one common goal, i appreciate team spirit. the down side is that there is no more NDP rehersals!!! it may sound weird to be so garang, wanting to burn my weekends to do marching. but the fact is i would have gotten more book out timing this way rather than the normal saturday afternoon then book in sunday evening. - haiz - aha~ also remebering meeting KKH. nice to see him again. hasn't change much except for the fact that he disqualified himself from the bachelor's row. he was telling or trying to console me that couples do quarrel so do not take it too hard on myself. i acknowledge that. being together is difficult, breaking up is even more difficult. i would be lying if i say i forgot everything, totally, because such memories were weaved into my mind with all my heart and soul. it's not about not letting go, it's about how much we gave each other. if i wasn't serious at all, all these would be no more than passing feelings. still, these memories now belong the the backmost part of my mind, and i don't think about it all the time and sing S Club 7 "Have you ever". my heart has space enough for only one person for this purpose, and it's filled now. i'll still be myself, giving my best, i am still the same. love me or hate me, i am still the same. if you liked me, you will still enjoy my presence; if you hate me, you will still turn away in disgust. was sad that our outing ended up in a rather unexpected manner. already i'm having problems in finding time just to hang around reminicising the past, so i guess it's hard for me to get together with them again. immediately the weekend after NDP got confined (btw, just came back from the 2 week confinement) due to living firing on sunday. the training schedule is insane. live firing and ATP in a row cause serious lack of sleep. everyone was only half awake. erm... ATP means Advanced Training Package which is actually SAR21 range. live firing was just a training. ATP was a trial and test combine. i almost got marksman... haiz... 30 out of 40 shots. i need to just shoot 2 more targets. 2 more, and i'm coming home $200 richer. slept at 2am+ and woke at 4am+ during the course of ATP, really *xiong* ar... came back yesterday finally had a good sleep until 9+ din even wake at 5.30am.. that's how tired i was. now waiting for food again. haha. need to buy stuff later, dunno if i should go clementi again... looks like i typed a lot... time to start work on GameHAQs now. tata~

well i'm home again. feelin' real hungry right now cos' i only had mixed beef noodles last night. went out to catch fireworks, but ended up abit sad and *haiz*... guess i'm just not the one. - rainy days arouses deeper emotions for the disheartened - still, after i left her, i managed to catch the last moments of it - but the feeling's never the same again. one more hour to booking in. haiz... SAF keep eating away my book out timings. so unfair. the rest of the camp is booking in tonight and i have to return so early!!! anyway, people have been asking me how's preview. well... it's just like any other rehersals for us. we have been doing too much to feel anything special. even with the crowd around screaming and shouting, they still appear invisible to us. stood there for about 50mins? no kick at all. haha~ legs all well trained! (hope i dun collaspe on the REAL day) had to do this ORBAT chart for my tank platoon. came home yesterday to do it. it's so tedious! but i can't care much, just want to smoke my way through. hope they dun notice the untidyness. i'm already being nice spending my own $$ to buy those materials - card holders and markers. they better appreciate! waiting for food to come home again. *sian* no mood to say much le. haiz.. tata~