see, i have this particular blogtoday.txt file that sits in my computer and whenever i want to update my blog i would open and edit it. the primary reason for this is so that i can write halfway and save. or in case i click wrongly, which i sometimes do, then lose everything i type. now, this time i open the file, i see thie following: "u must remember... i really love you alot alot... just that i may not be able show you how much it is now, or you cannot feel it as much as i do... i'm bounded by so many things. really thank u for being so loving, understanding, patient and thoughtful..." "you're so far... yet so near" ya, that's it.. i think is the last time's unfinished blog entry.. so i shall attempt to recall what i trying to say...hmm.. no clue. but should get what i mean... forget abt that for now... let's come back to the present and me-be-tired *tongue*!! thurs - wake: 0515 / sleep: 0300 + major servicing fri - wake: 0445 / sleep: 0300 + outfield driving sat - wake: 0515 very sleepy now.. muscle ache all over!! although was outfield yesterday, it was the most fun outfield i ever had, cos i went driving FINALLY in a tank. the commander was so scared i drive very fast because i first time drive. still, he say i was good! haha... the escaped theme park is the FIRST TIME i drive actually... haha.. although is nothing compared to the tank. *bleah* hope can drive most next time. oh.. aiyah, then i also got make mistake. got once i reverse during parking i had to accelerate so much to make the tank move because engine was weak. After stalling for a few seconds, the tank suddenly jerked and sped backwards almost hit the rover behind. then i was !@$# by the captain... *oops* but i bet it's not my fault, so i showed him the very confident face! haha.. he nothing to say. hmm, now i'm very confident of driving a BMW or MERC le! my brithday coming ar... so you know what to do hor? keke read her blog le... so many emotions in one week. gosh.. life's so exciting. ???? keep appearing in my mind. later must remember to ask her le. this morning so forgetful... had to return to camp from cck to get my specs back! haiz... so sad. i see the gate i want to cry... and haha... my brother go read the LEARN VB6!! i so happy for him.. he FINALLY showed interest in programming and took the effor to at least read every single word until end of lesson 2. i not asking im to be like me, but i just hope he can pick up new skills along his life. a child's learning potential is the greatest, i seriously hope that he dun lose the potential by not learning. playing is just as fine, if you know there is something to learn in everything. it's not learning that will cost you your future. besides, i really want to impart ALL my skills to brother, someone i can trust TOTALLY. and of cos to dear dear.. because she has the potential. can't think of anything now as yet... only thinking when to leave house. hmm.. will be back. PS: ARGH... have to book in tomolo le.. so sian... 2100!!! haiz.

I LOVE SEE KOKBOON!!! YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE MY ONLY SUNSHINE YOU MAKE ME HAPPY WHEN SKIES ARE GREY YOU'LL NEVER KNOW DEAR HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY :) LESLIE

I LOVE LESLIE! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oki. i'm done =) it's indeed stormy out there... especially during this rainy season so many things sad things happening. but at the same time, i'm holding on. very sad sia... need to go india for training, which means have to leave friends, family and leslie behind le =( down there so hot, later come back as black as the natives there! *haha* erm... so, need to meet peiru, hantiong, yingni, yu ting, geraldine within this year, hope really can make it ya... going into standby soon le, then very scared will get activated during my weekends! hope they don't get burnt! hmm, going to book in later tonight le, then i'll start my driver course on tues - drive tank. every since i with leslie, i wanted a car very badly because travelling is really tiring, expensive and time consuming! so, hope driving a tank will gimme some head start. after going through so much, i really must feel fortunate that i have her now. so little time together yet so strong our relation. even mama also say she like her! *hehe*. i'm so glad she's willing to wait for me even though i couldn't give her the sense of security she needed most. i feel so bad and guilty that i cannot give her the best of myself. so sad so bad. but i'll do my very best because my feelings and commitment is true. so...eventhough that day spent $100+ eat the very RoManTiC THAI CUSINE w CANDLE LIGHT... (was... heart breaking liao... *tear*) ehem... i also very xin gan qing yuan. i when i order i din even look at the price, all i was thinking was "hmmm... dear dear like to eat what?" then when the waiter come, i just point point point... cos... I CANT READ THAI~!! haha... yah. so happy that day. see her keep smiling until cheeks so red and sour (suan)... hmm.. then... she look so beautiful!!!! no need make up one leh.. hmm so proud to have a pretty gal! "you yuan qian li lai xiang hui" i told mama just now while chit chatting. then she say "hmpf! anyhow introduce girls to my son! next time dun let hantiong come!" haha... she was joking la, han! haha... actually got lotsa things to say, but hor.. i think i better censor it lah... for now. x_X OoPs! LESLIE: CALCULATOR PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

k.. i can't see a thing... testing testing.

huh... time to blog again just before i leave for camp once more. -___-" dunno leh.. very blank, dunno what to say even thought there is too much to tell. say also wrong dun say also wrong. haiz... these ten days went up and down, so exciting for me. "ha". k.. let's not talk about the downs, i'll talk abt the ups. hmm... les complain this 10 day break seemed so long to her because we almost stick together throughout. i so sad. 10 day where got enough? haiz. want it to be forever... 'cos i dun want to go back to camp!! aiyah. then computer abit spoil le. i also dunno why yet. think is RAM or video card again. play any game also hang. haiz. then now dunno why tye this in notepad also feeling so laggy. i sad cannot do programming. come to think of it, luckily got this break, which enabled me to renew faith and strength in our relationship. eventhough there is this barrier that will continue to haunt me till dunno when, at least we know that we can be even stronger together. thanks dear.... BUT please dun bring me to ESCAPE again. ya.. went Escape with her. so so so so so scary. i buay tahan one leh. the children play ground swing i scared already. still ask me go escape. wa!!! from far i see the Rainbow like not scary, i can take it.... but when i inside and it starts to move, i nearly die inside lor... woah.. dunno how to explain, the heart really cannot take it. i feel like getting up and stopping the machine but CANNOT!!! haiz. *pa4 pa4* oh... then got the Flipper (i think so). it looked so scary, but when i go inside chey... no kick one. oki lah.. bit of kick. hehe. it was fun really fun day, but it's not because of the ride, it's because i see dear dear so happy. haha... to me it's pay money to scare myself lah... it's the stupidest torture to myself. haiz. but think again, got love one to pei me yi qi si haha... *bleah* oh.. yah then hor for 10 days, never eat expensive stuff! haha... *ehem* calculator? haa.. ok, "calculator" incidentally means "let me show you how much i spent". so it became the kou tou can between les and me. ha. it's good way to siam paying. hehe. aiyah.. i trying hard to think of a song you see... cos someone requested that i dedicate it.. but then hor.. i not a music listener and cannot think of it just off my mind now.... when we first met, it was YU JIAN. told deniece to play it also. ha... then she keep asking me! *shy*... then while in army it's SOMEWHERE OUT THERE. dunno lor.. keep thinking and thinking of you, very xin tong you have to wait. but i'm so glad you kept true to your faith. and then it's GU DAN BEI BAN QIU when i'm in australia... actually miss you alot but i keep myself busy, try very hard not to miss you too much.. ha.. if not the days really are miserable. i only have dou jian you tiao now.. thinking of the past few days, that's what really happened.. the sweet and bitter stuffs we weather through together... finally we are back even stronger. i owe such happiness to you really... you know why i always dun want to write so much about us.... it's because some people read liao will jealous/envy/heartache/puke u see... seriously, you know who i refering to. ya... should understand what i mean right?

wah.... so many things to say dunno where to start. too many things come pushing at me and i'm telling you, i'm really trying to be patient, tolerant and clear minded. but all you little things dun push too far. or i'll bounce back at you. those 13 days i had in australia during training really tested my patience and tolerance with my commander. had to have 100% of both. sometimes even when i'm so tired, i still had to follow instruction even though it's unreasonable. he probably wasn't a good commander, seemingly didn't realize there's a limit to certain things. some of my platoon mates got so fed up of him, totally disliked him. to me, love is like a seed. seed that is looking for a place to grow on. when it lands on good soil, it starts to sink its roots into it. the promise of love is to provide sun and water, whenever the hazards in the air threatens its survival. love at it's highest is a beautiful flower, with constant care given to maintain its brilliance. but... when the promise is gone the flower withers. you can revive it if you realise it in time, but if you fail, it's gone forever, never back again. never. never the same again. you can hang it upside down in your room just like i did, but it still remains dry and dead, nothing more than remnants of memories. you probably wont bear to throw the dried flower away, because it was of good memory too. but in time to come, it would just be a dusty forgotten one. ... so...got into a few accidents during my time in training: INCIDENT 01: tank was doing some movement early morning just before dawn when the sky is still dark. while trying to twist and turn around the forest to get out, fell into an unexpected ditch. then my head crashed into the sighting device and leg smashed into the steel pipe in the tank. scratched, bled, scarred, swelled. INCIDENT 02: after we got out of that forest, travelled some few hundred metres, the engine started to give way and over heated. we were then stranded at this Malpha 6Y axis for 5 days 4 nights, basically doing nothing more than wake, eat, sit, sleep. the rest of the people envied. haha. INCIDENT 03: one of the basic tank maintenace is to tension the track. in order to do that, parking brake is USUALLY released. that fateful day, i was told to tension the track. first instincts was to hop into the driver's compartment (btw, i'm a gunner), and release the brakes. so i jumped in. just as i was about to release both the commander and driver looked at me and asked, "??? what are you doing in there?". "??? do tension, release parking brake lor!" we looked at each other as if there's something wrong and then they said, "??? -o-k -a-y-..." so i released the brake and crawled out of the tank, went to the side compartments. just as i was about to open the compartment and retrieve the tools, the tank started to move backwards. i never realise we're a slope till then. everyone was so stunned that they all just kept still. one big !@$#@#$ heavy tank is moving without a driver!!! but when i saw the danger, i immediately ran after the moving tank, took a three step jump onto the tank and into the driver's compartment stepping on the brakes again. i saved the tank from falling off the mini cliff behind and was jacky chan of the day... you think i got scolded for this? surprisingly no. i was praised. lolx. lucky me. but i scratched and bruised my legs in the process. aiyah... the training is okay la.. i just dun like the feeling of being sweaty and dirty. it's like only bathe 3 times and brush teeth 5 times in the whole duration. and it's not clean also. then... tiring lor... imagine you're so tired yet have some irritating voice telling you to do this and that... haiz. the last 5 days of training is the worse. i din get to sleep at all. only short naps of less than an hour perhaps. every day and night was preparation for live firing and then handing over of vehicals back to the australian authorities. ... R&R in rockhamton was peaceful and carefree. but there wasn't much activity. afterall, it's only a small town. and we all suspected it's rather backward because they have color phone only recently and the clothes i saw seems like those in singapore months ago. ... so happy to be back, can see family and les again....

yawnz.. it's so late already. actually just now i was bloggin halfway, then i gve up the computer to my bother cos' he want to play ragnarok online! so already obsessed in it. for got to mention i had nipple abrasion last in last entry. before the 21km run, we were warned about it, but it sounded so ridiculous that we all just laughed over it. never did i expect i can get it too. haha... didn't feel the pain until i got home and started to bathe. the aftermath feels bad. flying off soon. next next monday. and i haven pack my stuff yet. guess will do it tml. but tml will be another tiring day, going out and moving around. but will definitely enjoy cos got her mah. =) everytime tell me bring you to places you never been... how would i know where... hmm... can't really remember what happened last week. i think it was a very short week end for me. i think it's due to the out field - batallion excercise. it was a simulation of a real war got enemy forces we have to engage. the funny thing that happen was that my zip spoilt! k. you know i wear coverall, which is a one piece suit from neck to ankle. it has only two zips along the center vertical. it happened that i needed to pee, so i pulled down one of the zips, when i was done, i pull it back up only to find that the zip didn't close. try a few more times, worse! cannot means cannot. eventually i struggled half naked for quite some time before i finally zip it the other way. afraid that the other side would give way as well, i ren for very long the second time nature was calling. but still i couldn't ren anymore when i was waiting like a few hours stationery at the axis. then as expected, the other side came off as well... ergh... but i fixed it the same way. came back, brought the coverall for repair. $8. and i learnt a precious lesson on how to fix zip - wax it. really! if zips don't close, wax it with a candle like colouring it like that, then it will be ok again. and that cost me $8 lah...!!! only got 2 coveralls for the 3 week aust trip training outfield. so bo bian. the aust ppl very picky about cleaniness and hygiene. they are extreme environmentalist. they inspect every single stuff we bring there make sure no mud no dirt. and you know... military stuff all so dirty adn stained. hard to clean. these few weeks xiong is because we all cleaning and cleaning. this week book out thurs. could have been out on wed but something pro happened. one of the gun part is missing. the story goes like we stripped all the weapons and put them in crates. during the counting, realize one machine gun extra so some toot~ guy came and remove the body of the gun and left the internals in the crates. then the crates were later shipped to aust. DIE!!!! he die le. somemore sabo the rest of us cannot book out. have to take out all the weapons in singapore to check one by one see if got any more such cases... in the end do until next morning then book out. friday was our anniversay held at safra yishun. it's actually belated, suppose to be 1 july. well.. too busy le. got alots of activities going on but doesn't concern me much. i was just another peep walking around. safra got alot to play but very ex leh.... =( facilities good also cannot so ex la.. after the celebrations at 1400 i made my way to beach road to buy army stuff, top up the remaining of my lugguage. i rushed there and back actually. cos need to do computer. want to quickly finish. at least it's phase 1 done now. can rest abit. yea.. tml must wake early to go gai gai le...me sleepy eyes now. got to go and sleep le. ya? good night.... -__-"